WHY we’re ob­sessed with baby CHIAM

The world needs Ch­eryl and Liam’s baby now more than ever… here’s to the spe­cial one

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There’s so much we want to say. You are, al­ready, pop roy­alty, although you may not yet know this. With a na­tional trea­sure for a mum and a for­mer mem­ber of One Di­rec­tion as your dad, you may never truly un­der­stand the full ex­tent of your cul­tural sig­nif­i­cance. You’re the stuff of Si­mon Cow­ell’s dreams. But you’re real. You’re ba­si­cally your very own su­per­group.

It’s not just your sta­tus, though. We can’t tell you how much hope you’ve given to a post-brexit na­tion. With so­ci­ety di­vided, no­body knew how we would re­gain our sense of unity. We clung to each and ev­ery sight­ing of Kate and Wills, des­per­ate to re­live our for­mer glory days when we gath­ered around TV sets to toast the royal wed­ding, Pimm’s in hand. But then, oh! Sweet re­lief! The Peo­ple’s Princess for the Face­book gen­er­a­tion, Ch­eryl – your mother – con­ceives a child: you. Ch­eryl, for she needs no other name, is now the sole pur­veyor of hope in this land of York­shire Tea and ob­ses­sion with the weather. Well, her and you.

For Ch­eryl has known heart­break, she has known ad­ver­sity, but she’s al­ways per­se­vered, per­fect smile in­tact. She’s the best friend we all cher­ish, the pop star we ad­mire and, now, the mother we re­spect. Look, we in no way want to blas­pheme here, but let’s just say that when it comes to your pri­mary school na­tiv­ity, you should def­i­nitely have the lead role.

You are the proof that true love can en­gulf us all even­tu­ally, even if we’re su­per-fa­mous megas­tars who can only ever meet other su­per- fa­mous megas­tars. More than that, you’ll prob­a­bly have an il­lus­tri­ous pop ca­reer lit­tered with ab­so­lute bangerz, if Fight For This Love and What Makes You Beau­ti­ful are any­thing to go by, which they are. Maybe ask Cruz Beck­ham for ad­vice?

We’ll let you get on, we know you must be busy. But we just wanted to wel­come you, to let you know how much you mean to this small yet mighty isle. Thank you for restor­ing our hope, tiny Chiam. To para­phrase your own beloved mother, we don’t need a para­chute – not if we’ve got you.

Thank you for restor­ing our hope

Liam Payne plus Ch­eryl equals the cutest kid ever

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