WHY we’re obsessed with baby CHIAM
The world needs Cheryl and Liam’s baby now more than ever… here’s to the special one
There’s so much we want to say. You are, already, pop royalty, although you may not yet know this. With a national treasure for a mum and a former member of One Direction as your dad, you may never truly understand the full extent of your cultural significance. You’re the stuff of Simon Cowell’s dreams. But you’re real. You’re basically your very own supergroup.
It’s not just your status, though. We can’t tell you how much hope you’ve given to a post-brexit nation. With society divided, nobody knew how we would regain our sense of unity. We clung to each and every sighting of Kate and Wills, desperate to relive our former glory days when we gathered around TV sets to toast the royal wedding, Pimm’s in hand. But then, oh! Sweet relief! The People’s Princess for the Facebook generation, Cheryl – your mother – conceives a child: you. Cheryl, for she needs no other name, is now the sole purveyor of hope in this land of Yorkshire Tea and obsession with the weather. Well, her and you.
For Cheryl has known heartbreak, she has known adversity, but she’s always persevered, perfect smile intact. She’s the best friend we all cherish, the pop star we admire and, now, the mother we respect. Look, we in no way want to blaspheme here, but let’s just say that when it comes to your primary school nativity, you should definitely have the lead role.
You are the proof that true love can engulf us all eventually, even if we’re super-famous megastars who can only ever meet other super- famous megastars. More than that, you’ll probably have an illustrious pop career littered with absolute bangerz, if Fight For This Love and What Makes You Beautiful are anything to go by, which they are. Maybe ask Cruz Beckham for advice?
We’ll let you get on, we know you must be busy. But we just wanted to welcome you, to let you know how much you mean to this small yet mighty isle. Thank you for restoring our hope, tiny Chiam. To paraphrase your own beloved mother, we don’t need a parachute – not if we’ve got you.
Thank you for restoring our hope
Liam Payne plus Cheryl equals the cutest kid ever