Dig­ging up beau­ti­ful na­ture for homes is an alien con­cept

Macclesfield Express - - BARLOW’S BRIEF -

CON­GRAT­U­LA­TIONS to the lat­est win­ners of our weekly com­pe­ti­tions.

Cathy O’Con­nor won a £25 voucher for the Church House Inn, our mys­tery lis­tener won break­fast for two at the Rain­bow Café in Mac­cles­field, and Sue Ar­mitt won a £10 voucher to spend at the Man­darin House in Mac­cles­field.

Each week we have on air and web­site com­pe­ti­tions where you can win meal vouch­ers for our restau­rant of the week, which could be the High Street Chippy in Mac­cles­field, the Legh Arms in Adling­ton, the Church House Inn, the Cock and Pheas­ant, the Briscola Restau­rant or Bay Leaf In­dian Cui­sine in Bolling­ton, the Bulls Head in Ker­ridge, the Wind­mill Inn in White­ley Green, and the Fina Bar and Grill in Mac­cles­field.

We also have a weekly take­away treat com­pe­ti­tion where you can win vouch­ers to the Man­darin House or Macc Flames in Mac­cles­field.

New com­pe­ti­tions go on our web­site each week. Thank you to all the restau­rants and other busi­nesses that sup­port us, es­pe­cially our main spon­sors, In­com Telecom­mu­ni­ca­tions, Chrome Mo­tors, Cheshire De­mo­li­tion, Holmes Naden es­tate agents and Joe Henshaw. Their de­tails are on our web­site. AU­GUST is a weird month isn’t it? Cheshire’s like an evac­u­a­tion zone af­ter an alien in­va­sion.

The roads are de­serted. I ac­tu­ally drove to Flash to­day with­out see­ing an­other ve­hi­cle (there’s usu­ally a trac­tor or two).

Eleven months of the year Cheshire’s roads are jammed with traf­fic, Au­gust ar­rives and there’s no one around.

Where is ev­ery­one have they been ab­ducted?

They can’t all be in Aber­soch.

Note the way util­ity com­pa­nies ex­ploit the op­por­tu­nity to dig holes all over town and leave them as a sur­prise for families re­turn­ing home.

It’s a prank they play ev­ery year. We have an ex­ca­va­tion on our road com­plete with traf­fic lights and con­traflow sys­tem but no work of any kind in progress. It’s just a hole.

If any bad news breaks politi­cians like to save it for Au­gust, prefer­ably just as the ex­o­dus be­gins so that they can avoid the fall out.

It’s a great month to fi­nalise a ‘public con­sul­ta­tion’... with a con­clu­sion no one wants.

What would in­vad­ing aliens make of us?

“Look, ET, they are dig­ging up their beau­ti­ful green fields for earth­ling shel­ters and leav­ing ugly brown land­scapes un­touched.”

“And why do they do this, Mis­sion Leader?” “Democ­racy.” “What is this democ­racy?”

“It is when earth­lings de­cide what they don’t want ...and get it.”

“So they don’t want to dig up their green fields?” “No, they do not.” “So that’s what they get?”

“Yes, Child of the Uni­verse, that is what they get.”

“I don’t think I like democ­racy.”

“But you must if you are to live on Earth.”

“Please may I bor­row your in­ter­ga­lac­tic com­mu­ni­ca­tor?” “For what pur­pose?” “Phone home...”

●● Aliens would find Cheshire’s pol­icy of dig­ging up green fields very con­fus­ing, says Vic

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