Not starry-eyed over horo­scopes

Macclesfield Express - - MP IN TALKS OVER CARE HOME FUTURE -

“WHAT’S your star sign?”

I hate that ques­tion. It means I’ll have to lis­ten to the most in­fan­tile drivel while nod­ding in mock amaze­ment.

My horo­scope to­day said: “An ex­cit­ing propo­si­tion may come to you.”

What ac­tu­ally came to me was a bill for a hire car (with a wheel miss­ing,) to­talling £210.

How can any­one view that as ‘ex­cit­ing’ un­less they hap­pen to rent dodgy ve­hi­cles?

“You might spend a lot of time in the car or on the phone spread­ing the news,” said my stars.

Yeah right, I can see that hap­pen­ing.

“Hi Tom, it’s Vic Bar­low here.

“Just thought I’d phone to tell you the ex­cit­ing news about an in­voice I just re­ceived from Rent-A-Wreck.”

My horo­scope urged me to: “Take a walk around the neigh­bour­hood and say hello to who­ever you meet.”

Ap­par­ently Uranus is big­ger than Mars, which is not some­thing I want to tell Mrs when she’s

Btry­ing on a dress (for fear of reprisals).

Ac­cord­ing to the zo­diac, Mer­cury is about to en­ter a state called ‘caz­imi’ form­ing a stel­lium (or a triple con­junc­tion) with the sun and Venus, when I will be blaz­ing with pos­i­tive en­ergy and bright in­spi­ra­tion.

And you know what? It’s spot on. I am blaz­ing – so blaz­ing that if any­one else asks: ‘What’s your star sign? I shall have a ‘caz­imi’.

I’ll leave you to look that one up.

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