Not starry-eyed over horoscopes
“WHAT’S your star sign?”
I hate that question. It means I’ll have to listen to the most infantile drivel while nodding in mock amazement.
My horoscope today said: “An exciting proposition may come to you.”
What actually came to me was a bill for a hire car (with a wheel missing,) totalling £210.
How can anyone view that as ‘exciting’ unless they happen to rent dodgy vehicles?
“You might spend a lot of time in the car or on the phone spreading the news,” said my stars.
Yeah right, I can see that happening.
“Hi Tom, it’s Vic Barlow here.
“Just thought I’d phone to tell you the exciting news about an invoice I just received from Rent-A-Wreck.”
My horoscope urged me to: “Take a walk around the neighbourhood and say hello to whoever you meet.”
Apparently Uranus is bigger than Mars, which is not something I want to tell Mrs when she’s
Btrying on a dress (for fear of reprisals).
According to the zodiac, Mercury is about to enter a state called ‘cazimi’ forming a stellium (or a triple conjunction) with the sun and Venus, when I will be blazing with positive energy and bright inspiration.
And you know what? It’s spot on. I am blazing – so blazing that if anyone else asks: ‘What’s your star sign? I shall have a ‘cazimi’.
I’ll leave you to look that one up.