CALL IT A KNIGHT
MF’s Joel Snape suited up for a bohurt. Things got ugly, fast
The suit isn’t as bad as you’d think. It takes about an hour to put on, obviously, but once you’re in, it’s reassuringly hefty – though any ideas of unleashing a 300- style front kick disappear fast. A couple of practice whacks to the dome remove any reservations about getting hurt, and then it’s into the arena.
My first round is against Quayle, and my main strategy is to feint a swing at the legs, then jab him in the face with my punch-shield. This works exactly once before he gets wise to it and snaps my head backwards with a right hand of his own, then pummels me with a series of blows I’ve got no answer to. After about 45 seconds, I’m struggling even to hold on to my sword. Winner: Quayle.
Here, I go in with Quayle and Annable against three of team UK’s upcomers. The plan is for Quayle to distract them while I blindside, but this quickly goes to pot – they back up, so the only option is a head-on charge. I manage to trip one opponent early on, but then I get locked in a protracted struggle with the tallest man on the team. He’s clearly going to win, so Quayle flattens both of us. Afterwards, I can barely breathe – and I’ve been in the ring for two whole minutes. Loser: me.