CALL IT A KNIGHT

MF’s Joel Snape suited up for a bo­hurt. Things got ugly, fast

Men's Fitness - - Warrior Fitness -

The suit isn’t as bad as you’d think. It takes about an hour to put on, ob­vi­ously, but once you’re in, it’s re­as­sur­ingly hefty – though any ideas of un­leash­ing a 300- style front kick dis­ap­pear fast. A cou­ple of prac­tice whacks to the dome re­move any reser­va­tions about get­ting hurt, and then it’s into the arena.

ROUND MANO-A-MANO

My first round is against Quayle, and my main strat­egy is to feint a swing at the legs, then jab him in the face with my punch-shield. This works ex­actly once be­fore he gets wise to it and snaps my head back­wards with a right hand of his own, then pum­mels me with a se­ries of blows I’ve got no an­swer to. Af­ter about 45 sec­onds, I’m strug­gling even to hold on to my sword. Win­ner: Quayle.

ROUND THREE-ON-THREE

Here, I go in with Quayle and Annable against three of team UK’s up­com­ers. The plan is for Quayle to dis­tract them while I blind­side, but this quickly goes to pot – they back up, so the only op­tion is a head-on charge. I man­age to trip one op­po­nent early on, but then I get locked in a pro­tracted strug­gle with the tallest man on the team. He’s clearly go­ing to win, so Quayle flat­tens both of us. Af­ter­wards, I can barely breathe – and I’ve been in the ring for two whole min­utes. Loser: me.

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