A White load of shouty bollocks!
ANOTHER transfer window closes and a new star is born. A player? A manager? No, a long-headed Scot who looks like he’s got a lit rocket permanently stuck up his arse.
When the nation makes a star out of a fella for shouting at a Sky Sports News auto-cue, then it really is time to collectively go into a dark room and give our heads a wobble.
I refer, of course, to Jim White. Or should that be JIM WHITE!!!
You see, Jim doesn’t do quiet, he only speaks shouty bollocks. Shouty bollocks with shit loads of exclamation marks.
And such is the reach of Jim’s shouty bollocks that transfer deadline day has been christened ‘Jim White day’. How sad is that? Watching the grey-haired king of cheese trying to make a reserve team player’s move to QPR on loan sound like the day David Beckham left Old Trafford is a kind of entertainment.
But sitting on your hand until it goes numb and bashing one out with it while pretending it’s someone else is a kind of entertainment.
Then there’s White’s obsessive checking of his phone and the pointless chats with men outside empty football club car parks with feral scallies in the background flicking the bird while wearing traffic cones on their head.
And, my favourite, the ‘experts’ who fill time between a washedup crock signing for a relegation candidate and David Moyes’ palpitations as he realises a big club is cherry-picking one of his star players. Again. he highlight of the shite spouted came from ex-player, turned manager, turned TV pundit Iain Dowie.
Discussing Owen Hargreaves’ move to Manchester City, the man who looks like Darth Vader minus the helmet conjured up this classic: “Owen Hargreaves was
Targuably England’s best player at the World Cup, without a doubt.” Which is it, Iain? Back to White. That he will be over-dramatic to the point of inducing vomit is a given – it’s as nailed on as Harry Redknapp lowering the window on his car when he’s within a two-mile radius of a camera. “Triffic, triffic.”
But why is this no-mark (White, not Redknapp) been so readily taken into the bosom of the nation as some kind of cult hero?
Is it a simple spelling mistake? I mean, change a letter and lose the hero bit and you’ve hit the nail on the head.
He was so hyped up by his own hype when he took the mic for the final three hours of the window, he could barely speak.
What was he doing beforehand? Running up the town hall steps to the Rocky theme? Beating a piece of meat in some dingy factory (take that any way you want, the point stands)? addest of all, Sky actually announced his arrival at the studios.
Yes, that’s a Sky Sports News presenter arriving at Sky Sports News to present Sky Sports News.
Is football now so devoid of personality that we have to search it out among telly presenters?
It’s just another sign that the game has lost touch with the fans. The closest thousands of priced-out supporters get to a match these days is the verbal diarrhoea pouring from Paul Merson’s mouth: “He’s hit the beans on toast, Jeff.”
Once upon a time, there was no need for Sky’s Soccer Saturday – the radio and the videprinter did just fine if you weren’t at the match itself. But now footie on the telly is a billion pound business and only the middle class can afford to go to games week in, week out.
So the 24 hour ‘rolling’ news, shouty bollocks and Jim White? It’s just going to get worse…