War is the an­swer!

Midweek Sport - - NEWS -

RIGHT. What have we got? The econ­omy’s ab­so­lutely bug­gered and we’re head­ing to the poor house at best, a scene from Mad­Max at worst.

Youth un­em­ploy­ment (ages 16-24) is run­ning at about 20%. Young peo­ple are vent­ing their frus­tra­tion in vi­o­lence and nick­ing plim­solls from JD Sports.

No­body in the West is mak­ing any­thing be­cause the Chi­nese have bought all the raw ma­te­ri­als, the banks won’t lend any money on ac­count of spend­ing it all on bonuses for each other — and young peo­ple are too busy rob­bing train­ing shoes or check­ing their Face­books to be­come ap­pren­tices and learn a proper trade.

There are sim­mer­ing re­sent­ments across Europe with old ri­val­ries and ha­treds barely con­tained by a bloated EU that looks more doomed to fail­ure than ever be­fore.

As for the euro, well, you may as well buy and sell things us­ing buck­ets of steam or your Great Aunt Nel­lie’s used bunion plas­ters.

The pol­i­tics of ex­trem­ism are on the rise; whether it be among peo­ple who wear tow­els upon their heads, or those who shave the hair off their heads.

And on top of this, our lit­tle blue planet is hope­lessly over­pop­u­lated by a fac­tor of about, say, ten.

I’m sure thou­sands of com­mit­tees and work­ing groups are pon­der­ing each of these prob­lems.

The United Na­tions are more than likely hard at it – in be­tween de­cid­ing whether to give state­hood to any­one who throws stones at the Is­raelis.

But there is a so­lu­tion. And it comes in one word: War. Not the dis­mal lit­tle skir­mishes we’ve seen in Iraq, Afghanistan or Libya. A big, thump­ing, balls-on-thetable con­fla­gra­tion. Every­thing points at war be­ing the way out.

In this coun­try, we’re rather good at mak­ing weapons. At the mo­ment we’re forced to sell them to rather rum regimes to use against their own peo­ple.

Ade­cent war would be manna from heaven for arms deal­ers. There would be no talk of lay­offs at BAe.

Our fac­to­ries would be flat-out mak­ing killing ma­chines.

All the money we spend keep­ing eu­ro­crats in caviar and whores could be spent on crafty clus­ter bombs, land mines and arse-seek­ing mis­siles.


Our at-the-mo­men­ti­dle young peo­ple have proved they’re adept at killing vir­tual peo­ple on Call of Duty Zom­bie #7.

Blow­ing up thou­sands of for­eign­ers should be a dod­dle for them. And a Bri­tish Army uni­form is bet­ter for pulling pussy than a track­suit looted from Mata­lan.

Plus, there ain’t many much bet­ter ways to tackle a pop­u­la­tion cri­sis than a war. Be­cause ev­ery­one gets dead.

So there you have it. Prob­lem solved.

Now, if the politi­cians can pull their f*ck­ing thumbs out of their ar­ses and think of an al­ter­na­tive, no doubt we’d all be happy to lis­ten.



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