PLANK SPANK A TURN-OFF
Dear Lynsey, I’VE had mixed success with women over the years but thought I had finally stumbled upon a solution.
I was watching MTV the other week when I noticed blokes playing guitars look cool as f*** – and seem to get loads of groupies.
So the next day I went down to my local music shop and bought a flashy Fender to woo the ladies with.
I spent the next three nights practising like hell, but could only manage to learn one song.
Undeterred, I hit the town’s nightspots on Saturday night and got chatting to a very sexy girl.
We exchanged pleasantries before I slipped into the conversation that I was a guitarist. Well, she was like moist putty in my hands.
She came back to my flat and sat on the couch looking very demure, demanding I impress her with my fretboard skills.
I thought I was up for a definite shag, but halfway through Ralph Mctell’s she stormed out.
What did I do wrong?
Lynsey says: I’M jetting off for some winter sun next week, which sounds rather nice. But I have a major problem even before the wheels leave the tarmac.
I’m going with my best friend for a girls’ holiday. We’re both single and hoping to pull.
But I really want to take my favourite sex toy with me just in case it doesn’t happen.
Fair enough, you might think, but the last time I packed a buzzing buddy I had the worst experience of my life.
I put my Rampant Rabbit in my hand luggage and was pulled to one side going through security.
I’d forgotten I had my vibe with me – that was until the security guy pulled it out of my bag and held it up for all to see!
I went bright red and wanted the ground to swallow me up.
The trouble is I don’t think I can go for a week without my orgasm aid. What do you think?