Well-hung hunk has given me a HUGE problem
Wife loves my shaft in elevator
Dear Natasha, THIS is not so much a problem, but I thought you’d still like to hear about my new pervy pastime.
Me and the missus were having problems in the bedroom so decided to spice up our sex life.
After trawling the internet we found mention of people who get their rocks off by bonking in lifts.
It sounds weird, and that was our initial sentiment, but the next day we both agreed it sounded like fun.
So one Saturday night we headed into town. We found a five-star hotel and had a quick drink in the bar before moving to the elevator.
We pressed the button for the top floor – 16th – and waited for the other guests to get out one by one.
Then, when the final one exited on floor 11, we ripped each other’s clothes off and went at it like frustrated rabbits.
Now we can’t get enough of it and spend our free time cruising tall buildings, looking for suitable shafts.
Do you think we are bonkers?
Dear Natasha, EVERY girl dreams of meeting a bloke with a whopping wanger – or so I thought.
That’s because I’ve started going out with a fella and he has the most enormous Johnson I have ever seen.
We met on a night out and he is a lovely lad. He treats me like a princess – opening doors, buying me flowers and taking me for swanky meals.
We took it slow to start with as we had both just come out of fairly long relationships and our emotions were a bit bruised.
That meant walks in the park and holding hands in the cinema. But after a month or so it was obvious we were ready to take the relationship a step further.
So we organised for him to come round to my flat one Friday night for a candlelit dinner.
We both knew there was more on the menu than my famous lasagne and bread and butter pudding.
He arrived bang on time and we settled down for some nice food in the romantic setting of my newly-decorated dining room.
The atmosphere was electric as we were both anticipating what was to come later on.
After I had cleared the plates away into the kitchen, I suggested we move through to the sitting room and “get more comfortable”.
He gladly followed me onto the couch, where we kissed and cuddled before I decided to make the first move.
I inched my hand down to his crotch area and started to feel his twitching bulge. At the time I didn’t pay much attention to the fact that his jeans were nearly splitting under the pressure – I just put it down to the fact that he really fancied me.
He finally plucked up his courage and slid his hand up my skirt and down the front of my knickers.
Our fumblings carried on for about 10 minutes – both us grinding against each other as the passion got more and more intense.
Then it was time to get down to the main event.
I slid off the couch and told him to remove his trousers.
He seemed a little hesitant but I insisted and even gave him a helping hand with his belt and zip.
What came next will live long in my memory, as he unleashed what can only be described as a “monster” from inside his pants.
I have seen smaller beasts in the python house at our local zoo!
I gasped and even drew away, so shocked was I by his appendage.
And that obviously stirred up some bad memories for him because he shrunk back and started to cry.
I say shrunk, but his weapon of mass distraction was still blocking out the light.
We spent the rest of the evening talking and it turns out that his ex-girlfriend dumped him because of the size of his love sausage.
I’m worried our relationship will end up following this tragic path too. Please help!
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House, 5 Union Street, Ardwick, Manchester,