KRANKIES SEX IS NO SURPRISE
Britain’s No1 glamour model Three’ll do it for you!
SOME of you may remember that a few weeks ago I had a guy come on my webcam and do a particularly odd thing.
For some reason he decided to put a bottle of Treseme conditioner up his bum!
Anyway, the other night he popped up again saying he wanted me to pick from three objects for him to stick up his arse – a cucumber, an orange and an aubergine.
Naturally, I went for an aubergine; I like a guy to challenge himself! Lo and behold he managed to get it up his bum, then popped it out again. He was using some very dodgy foam lube and grunting like a wild animal.
I think he does it to try to shock me, which I’ve explained is pretty impossible. So after he’d stuck the vegetable up his wrong ’un I gave him a stern talking to.
If he keeps blasting things out of his arse he’ll have no bum muscles left. He’ll have to have something wedged up there permanently if he carries on like that! WHAT about the Krankies being swingers?
I had to laugh, but it didn’t come as much of a surprise to me.
They were my childhood heroes and I loved watching them on Crackerjack.
Then I met them for real at Paul Daniel’s wedding a few years back, and I have to say I found them very odd.
I remember saying to Mark, “There’s something going on there, I’m sure they’re swingers”. He pissed himself laughing! Then when I saw that they actually were, I said, “See, I told you so. I’m always right”.
But really, would you want to go swinging with that pair?
I could never get my head round the woman dressing up as a schoolboy; it always just seemed a bit weird.
I wonder if she stayed like that in the bedroom? You hear of fellas wanting to go to bed with a schoolgirl, but a boy? The mind boggles.
And I can’t get why they felt the need to share their swinging with the world.
If there was ever a reason for the privacy laws in this country being tightened up, it’s to protect us all from revelations like these! COME and join me this Christmas because I’ll be working through the festivities at Red Light Central.
I’m there on Boxing Day, Monday 26th, then on Saturday, which is New Year’s Eve, and on Sunday for New Year’s Day.
I’ve got a sexy red Santa suit and lots of fluffy white stuff to put on my nipples!
Tune into Sky Channel 948 and make your holiday goes with a bang! I WAS disgusted to see those pictures of a woman being dragged round the street in just her bra during the riots in Cairo in Egypt last week.
Fair enough, I know the police have got to get things under control, but was there really any need for three policemen to be manhandling one woman?
The girl had her top pulled up showing her bra and didn’t look like she was putting up any kind of fight.
It’s not like she’s some big brute of a fella. She was just a small girl, so why she was being dragged along by three men is beyond belief.
I know we complain that Britain’s a soft touch, but at least women get treated a bit better over here.
My grandmother was Egyptian and I remember the tales she used to tell me about when she was growing up as the daughter of two British diplomats living over there.
She married a British soldier and had three children, one of them being my mum, but because her own mum didn’t approve of their relationship he was sent back to the UK with their kids.
My mum and her siblings spent two years in a children’s home before my gran finally found the strength to get out of the oppressive regime she faced there.
It doesn’t seem to have changed all that much over the past 60 years, does it?
Looking at the way the police treated women in the riots I’m just glad I was born over here.
I’d probably have had my head chopped off by now! I’VE got an exciting project coming up in the New Year – bespoke porn!
Yes, you read that right. Me, Lucy Zara and Dani Harwood – who I work with at Red Light Central – are doing made-to-order blue movies.
We’ve got a fan who’s asked us to put one together for him. He will direct us in exactly what he wants us to do, and we’ll do it! Well, within reason!
I’ve insisted that all of us get to wear a strap on dildo at some point, since with Lucy and Dani both being dominatrices I could end up with them bossing me round all the time, and I’m not having that!
I think it could be a really exciting new project and I reckon it’s most fellas’ wildest fantasy to have three sexy girls doing whatever he wants.
So watch this space, because next time it could be you! WE’VE had a bit of a problem with a stalker at Red Light Central.
One of the girls came out of work and found a woman there who asked for her autograph and started stroking her hair. Since then she’s been ringing her all the time and driving her up the wall.
I hope she doesn’t get any ideas about me. I had some weirdo call me the other day and ask if I’d like him to find me and rape me. What is wrong with these nutters?
Obviously I told him I wouldn’t. Luckily I’ve got a security guard with me round the clock to keep cranks like him away. IT was brilliant to see Harry Judd from Mcfly win Strictly Come Dancing last weekend.
I’ve never been a huge Mcfly fan but it’s great to see them doing well and making a comeback.
They just need a good single to put out now and I reckon all the girls will be swarming round them again.
At least it will make a change from the charts being full of X Factor songs.
I was also dead pleased when his Harry’s bandmate Dougie Poynter won I’m A Celebrity. Especially given that he’d not long been out of rehab after Frankie Sandford from The Saturdays dumped him.
Now he’s having the last laugh, and she’s stuck with footballer Wayne Bridge.
I don’t know Wayne personally, he might be a nice guy. But if he’s anything like the players I know, she’ll soon be kicking herself and wishing she’d stayed with dishy Dougie! I NEARLY threw up my egg and sausage sandwich this morning when I saw a photo of Nancy Dell’olio poured into a tiny red PVC frock.
What on earth was she thinking, going out dressed like that? She’s 50 years old for goodness sake! Why is she going out dressed like a hooker!
Honestly, mutton dressed as lamb doesn’t even go near to describing that woman.
Someone buy her a mirror – she can’t possibly have one, judging by the way she dresses in public! To get our most up-to-date list of up-for-it women in your area simply send £5 in cash, cheque or PO to FINEBOURNE, PO Box 210, Chesterfield, S41 8LP NAME. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ADDRESS. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
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