BAD BOY BALOTELLI GIVES PEACE A CHANCE
MARIO BALOTELLI has promised to stop arguments across the planet after he was amazingly awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. The controversial Man City striker (right), whose charge sheet includes training ground scraps with Micah Richards and Jerome Boateng, posing in an AC Milan shirt (despite having played for Inter) and throwing a dart at a youth player, announced he had turned over a new leaf.
And, after handing out cash to the needy of Manchester while dressed as Father Christmas, Mario is well on the way to following in the footsteps of his new hero – Gandhi.
He said yesterday: “Innit.” FERNANDO TORRES has been appointed striker extraordinaire by PM David Cameron.
The Chelsea hitman scored 100 goals last season as Chelsea finally won the Champions League. After a confidence-sapping start to life at Stamford Bridge, Blues players and fans now hail him as the best goal man they’ve ever had.
And the bargain hitman has now been granted the honorary title as the Government weighs into the drive to find English kids that can score goals.
Smiling Torres, whose stats show he hasn’t missed a chance for 12 months, said: “I’m so glad I moved to Chelsea. It was the making of me.” HARRY REDKNAPP has banned Sky from hijacking his car window during January. The Spurs manager says he’s sick of being forced to open his door by the media giant’s football news channel to comment on players that he thinks are “triffic”. White Hart Lane gaffer Redknapp, who recently fined the club’s kettle for calling their pot black, said: “I hate these managers who speak out about other club’s players – they should show some respect. “I never speak out about my targets, and I certainly never talk about referees.” The FA yesterday confirmed it is still investigating Redknapp for speaking out against referees.