Jezza’s just an arse kisser!
SHAMELESS paid tribute to gangster flick Goodfellas this week.
“As far back as I can remember,” said Jamie Maguire, “I never wanted to be a gangster.”
Sadly, the similarities ended there. There was no heist at Manchester Airport, nobody got kicked to death in The Jockey, and Frank Gallagher’s frozen corpse did not turn up in a meat freezer. They didn’t play any Clapton.
It was just the usual low-rent capers: smoking cow dung, delivering a smackhead’s baby, and nearly killing a cop.
The dialogue was not exactly Hollywood either: “Your Uncle Will’s house is free until he gets back from noncing in Thailand. No-one will know you’re in Ludlow.”
Shameless writers: you really are funny guys! A QUESTION for fans of BBC1 crafty Cockney con artist drama What was the team’s greatest scam? A. The one fake gold. B. The one with the bent cop. C.filming most of it in Birmingham, then telling you it was London. THE return of BBC2’S saw Jeremy Clarkson break a speed record.
I’m not talking about the 204mph he notched up in that Lamborghini Aventador – but the lightning speed with which his tongue shot up the arse of celebrity guest Will.i.am, of Black Eyed Peas fame.
Or, in this case, the Brown Eye Pleased. Clarkson managed Noughtto-sphincter in less than three seconds!
First he gushed over Will’s career – “You must be so busy! You are so inspirational!” – while the great man sat like a stoney-faced Roman emperor.
Then Jezza shamelessly plugged his guest’s latest commercial venture, a hideous sports car called Iamauto, without even hinting how fugly it is.
Would the famously acid-tongued host have been so forgiving if Will.i.am had not been sat there, do you think?
Or would he have spouted some scripted banter about it looking like a six-year-old has been let loose with bodywork kit on his dad’s Mondeo?
Cowardly Clarkson did not even mock little Willy for insisting on an automatic model for his time trial on the Star In A Reasonably Priced Car feature.
Like a typical Yank, he cannot even handle a stick – which makes me wonder how he ever worked with Cheryl Cole.
Top Gear prides itself on being rude to Johnny Foreigner and this series looks set to take it even further with a running gag about Stig’s exotic cousins: Chinese Stig does karate, Italian Stig hosts orgies, etc.
That is fine by me, but they should have the balls to be rude to the rich and famous as well as the peasants and rednecks.
Clarkson’s brown-nosing marred an otherwise great episode, with the chaps chucking three glorious supercars (the Lambo, plus a Maclaren MP4-12C and a Noble M600) around Italy.
Let’s hope the rest of the series matches up. The teaser montage certainly whetted the appetite, especially the scene with Ray Winstone.
I’ve loved Ray (left) since the movie Scum – ‘Where’s your tool?’
He’s just over there, pal. He’s the tall one in the bad jeans, kissing celebrity ass.