Yet more gypsy se­crets on view

Midweek Sport - - NEWS -

THE Wed­ding Pro­posal, on Chan­nel 4, fol­lowed sev­eral ro­man­tics as they popped the ques­tion in un­usual fash­ion.

Posho Steve flew girl­friend Clare to a snow-capped glacier in the Alps ( pos­si­bly be­cause sub­zero tem­per­a­tures made her per­son­al­ity seem slightly warmer.

Lov­able geek David sur­prised Kelly by ap­pear­ing on­stage at a West End mu­si­cal, hav­ing hid­den the en­gage­ment ring down his pants.

“Let’s hope she doesn’t feel it,” he gig­gled.

She def­i­nitely won’t af­ter you’re mar­ried, pal.

And Jade pro­posed to Liver­pool-mad Andy dur­ing a sta­dium tour of An­field.

Their tale was es­pe­cially poignant be­cause Andy was due to have his leg am­pu­tated. So she’ll have to make sure she at­taches the ball and chain to the right one.

is one of those “brave” BBC come­dies which sweeps away old-fash­ioned con­cepts like “jokes” or “hu­mour”.

It is so de­press­ing even the canned laugh­ter track re­fuses to gig­gle.

But, hey, it stars na­tional trea­sure Dawn French. So it must be good, right?

French has lost a lot of weight re­cently but was still well-up­hol­stered when this was made.

“I’ve got jaw ache from eat­ing all those wine gums,” she moaned.

Never mind jaw ache, love. You must have had enough by now to de­velop al­co­holism.

One scene saw her wear­ing a box on her head. It looked like she had just wolfed an Easter egg by bur­row­ing straight into the box.

Then I’m Just ROOM 101 is all about celebri­ties try­ing to ar­gue their case – and pop star Jamelia def­i­nitely pre­sented a cou­ple of ex­cel­lent points.

Weighty, bal­anced and ex­tremely well­sup­ported, they cer­tainly seemed to im­press host Frank Skin­ner.

But enough about her breasts. The girl could not ar­gue her way out of a wet pa­per bag.

Maybe she mis­un­der­stood when told it was a show for peo­ple who en­joy mass de­bat­ing. YOU know those ad­verts you see at the cinema, which imag­ine how films might be ru­ined by an ob­ses­sion with mo­bile phones?

Well, this week’s Top Gear nicked the idea, with petrol­head Clark­son sup­pos­edly di­rect­ing a car chase for the forth­com­ing Sweeney movie.

In­stead of max­imis­ing the ac­tion, he was more con­cerned with get­ting his char­ac­ters to switch off the trac­tion con­trol be­fore a power slide.

Doesn’t sound funny but I’m still gig­gling now. And, as a bonus, it won’t up­set the Mex­i­cans. “I can’t stand pop-ups” said the arch­fem­i­nist Ger­maine Greer, on Room 101.

Sorry, sweet­heart, but some­times we can’t help it. Es­pe­cially if you gals lead us on by wear­ing a short skirt. BRI­TAIN’S “most se­cre­tive com­mu­nity” was back on the box last night, with the re­turn of to Chan­nel 4.

These fiercely shy peo­ple re­luc­tantly al­lowed the cam­eras to lift the lid on their close­ly­guarded rit­u­als for the first time in...ooh, about three months.

Gypsy lives have been so ex­haus­tively filmed in re­cent years that they no longer have enough brides to ful­fil the ti­tle.

Last night saw just one wed­ding, plus a First Com­mu­nion and a beauty pageant.

Not that it re­ally mat­ters, as ev­ery event seems to end up look­ing ex­actly the same: a bunch of girls grind­ing sug­ges­tively while dressed as Lat­vian pros­ti­tutes.

It looks like a boot camp – or should that be a booty camp – for trainee lap­dancers.

Last night’s bride was 21-year-old Dolores ( pic­tured). She wanted a cat-themed wed­ding, which seemed ap­pro­pri­ate when so many guests were likely to show their flaps.

At the pre-wed­ding party, Dolores dressed as a palm tree and her brides­maid as a pineap­ple.

Some­thing tells me the man from Del Monte would not be say­ing yes to ei­ther of them.

It is only fair to point out that gypsy fam­i­lies trea­sure their daugh­ters dearly and en­force strict rules about sex be­fore mar­riage.

Be­sides, in a Catholic church, a young girl can dress as as she pleases and re­main safe.

It is her brother who’ll need to be care­ful.

The final thread was a beauty pageant “to find the next gypsy su­per­star”, which re­ally begs the ques­tion: who was the last one?

I am sure there could have been loads by now, of course, if only they were not so darned se­cre­tive.

Go­ing Out.

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