It’s all so fak­ing ob­vi­ous

Midweek Sport - - NEWS -

THE last ever Hus­tle opened with the crew be­ing ma­chine-gunned on a rooftop – so we knew in­stantly they were go­ing to be fine.

In the least sur­pris­ing “twist” since Chubby Checker’s come­back tour, the shoot­ing was a fake. Yawn.

The gun­man turned out to be their old mate Danny Blue, aka Marc War­ren ( right), who gave up be­ing a con mer­chant to advertise Vir­gin Me­dia.

They all es­caped in a huge Cadil­lac con­vert­ible – as you would if you wanted to keep a low pro­file – with the usual self-serv­ing baloney that only the greedy get scammed.

Yeah? Tell that to some old lady whose pen­sion book is nicked by a scum­bag claim­ing to be from the water board.

Funny how none of them was in­jured.... yet they’ll still turn up in Ca­su­alty. AS an ac­tor, Abi Tit­muss suf­fers from Robert De Niro syn­drome: she will al­ways strug­gle to match the bril­liance of her early work.

For De Niro, it was Rag­ing Bull. For Abi, it was be­ing rimmed by a hot lesbo on John Les­lie’s cam­corder.

So her bit part on this week’s Ca­su­alty – as the schem­ing mother of a trou­bled teen daugh­ter – was al­ways fac­ing an uphill strug­gle to com­pare. And it didn’t. She was aw­ful.

Tak­ing of fa­mous tits, Danny Dyer was in the same episode.

“I know it was wrong but I de­cided to fill the hole,” he said, ex­plain­ing why he had as­sumed the iden­tity of a dead para­medic.

Didn’t Abi’s hot lesbo pal say the same thing? ask!)

At least the poor blighter did not have to sit through an­other 40 min­utes of Sun­day night pap for lobotomised women in the Home Coun­ties.

God, it was drivel. The go­ings-on at 165 Ea­ton Place are like methadone for sad cases ad­dicted to the heroin of

The only light re­lief was new nurse­maid Beryl, played by stun­ning Laura Had­dock ( of movie.

Ea­ton Place? I’d rather have eaten Had­dock.

I WAS quite jealous of the mon­key gassed to death in BBC1’S

(don’t

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