Let’s Dance...them right off the show

Midweek Sport - - NEWS -

The Beeb’s

is sup­posed to be funny – and some of it was.

Ra­dio royalty Tony Black­burn and “Diddy” David Hamil­ton go­ing full-on gangsta to Salt’n’pepa’s Push It? Funny.

Telly tart Ulrika Jon­s­son “de­mand­ing” cash to take part? Funny.

Judge Keith Lemon telling ex­crick­eter Dar­ren Gough he looked like Terry Scott when he danced? Funny. And, weirdly, ab­so­lutely spot-on.

BBC1’S decision to ap­point Alex and Steve Jones as pre­sen­ters? Funny. But not funny ha-ha.

The Jone­ses – no re­la­tion, although they are both Welsh so spring from the same gene pud­dle – had the comic tim­ing of Iran’s nu­clear pro­gramme. But far less chem­istry.

If laugh­ter is a burn­ing chip pan, these two are the damp tea tow­els. Ev­ery mad­cap mo­ment was im­me­di­ately smoth­ered by their fake grins and forced ban­ter.

The One Show’s Alex is of­ten billed as the “girl next door”. The girl next door to what? An abat­toir? A fu­neral par­lour? One of those Welsh vil­lages we flooded to sup­ply Liver­pool with tap water?

It must have been some­where bloody de­press­ing be­cause that woman is a hu­mour vac­uum, crush­ing any ban­ter with a con­fused “Ri­i­i­ight...” and get­ting swiftly back to the au­tocue. Even the har­row­ing film of starv­ing Africans was less painful to watch.

Why the BBC ditched Clau­dia Win­kle­man for Jones is a mys­tery. At least Win­kle­man would have known who Terry and June were!

As for Steve, he is a man who can only ever ex­pe­ri­ence true joy in front of a mir­ror.

He did, how­ever, pro­vide one of the big­gest laughs of the evening, al­beit by mis­take. When comic Terry Alderton, dressed as Tina Turner, jok­ingly asked him “to make an old woman very happy”, I can’t have been the only one to think: “He al­ready has. He shagged Pamela An­der­son.”

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