Judges can just go and swivel!
New BBC1 talent show
opened with its four celebrity judges singing “I’ve got a feeling that tonight’s gonna be a good night”.
Which just goes to show: you can’t always trust your gut instinct.
The Voice is based on the sanctimonious idea that looks should NOT matter in music. To prove this point, judge Jessie J rocked up in a pair of saggy leggings and an old cardigan.
Actually, that is not true. She rocked up in killer heels, full make-up and the clingiest catsuit known to man.
But, hey, they were probably the first things she picked off the bedroom floor, right?
The gimmick is that the judges go “blind”. Not literally – although it may be a risk if Jessie J keeps on wearing those catsuits – but they face away from the stage during the audition.
If they like what they hear, they hit a button to swivel their chair to face the stage like a James Bond baddie. Every time it happened, I half expected them to be stroking a fluffy white cat (or, in Jones’ case, his fluffy white hair).
The highlight of the night was Toni Warne, a bald woman with a haunting voice – Alopecia Keyes, if you will.
Toni said she felt so embarrassed by her baldness that she “hid away” in her bank job. If only Howard from the Halifax had felt the same way.
If she does hit the big time, maybe she can spare a thought for poor Sean Conlon. He used to be in the boyband 5ive – but failed to win over a single judge.
The only way he’ll ever get them to spin around and face him is by getting a job as a fairground attendant – on the Waltzers. IT was great to see footballer Frank Lampard joining the fun on BBC1’S Sport Relief.
The Chelsea captain did a sketch in the Stamford Bridge tunnel with Ramona Marquez, the little girl from BBC sitcom Outnumbered.
“You’re captain,” she told Lamps. “Does that mean if you lose the players will all blame you.”
No, luv, Chelsea.
It means all the players will blame the manager and stop trying until they get a new one.
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