Matt’s mother of a telly show

Midweek Sport - - FRONT PAGE -

BBC tal­ent show saw a turn by Bo Bruce, aka Lady Cather­ine Anna Bru­denell-bruce, daugh­ter of the Earl of Cardi­gan.

She fears be­ing judged for her posh up­bring­ing but I have no prob­lem with the fact she was born with a sil­ver spoon in her mouth. I just wish she’d take it out be­fore singing.

The crowd loved her, even giv­ing a stand­ing ova­tion – although that might have just been nat­u­ral def­er­ence to their so­cial su­pe­rior.

We also saw Tyler James, “best friend” of the late Amy Wine­house, singing the Otis Red­ding hit BBC2’S Great Bri­tish Menu kicked off its search for a per­fect meal by ask­ing Scot­tish chefs to pre­pare a starter.

That seems un­wise. Who’ll have room for a main af­ter all that deep fried heroin? MATT Lu­cas recorded a spe­cial mes­sage on the pre­view tape of his new BBC1 show,

In it he in­vited telly re­view­ers to “say what you like about the show but please be nice about my mum”. OK, here goes. Matt, your show is bloody aw­ful and I re­sent you for mak­ing me waste 30 min­utes of my life watch­ing it.

For a start, it is just a rip-off of Room 101: three job­bing co­me­di­ans riff on a se­lec­tion of shared themes then the host picks the win­ner.

How orig­i­nal! And what a great op­por­tu­nity to put Ja­son Man­ford on the telly. It must have been at least four hours since his last ap­pear­ance on a cheap panel show.

Then there are the lame top­ics, like “Which is the smuggest na­tion of peo­ple?”

You can prob­a­bly imag­ine how sniffy the lofty-minded BBC would get if a tabloid news­pa­per asked that ques­tion, but I guess it must be OK to de­mand that we “Nuke the Chi­nese!” when it is part of a mid­dle­class par­lour game? Just like it is OK to sug­gest all Ger­man women have hair armpits.

By the way, get­ting your guests to draw and sing just looked des­per­ate – like you knew the for­mat stank so you tried to bol­ster it with flimsy gim­micks.

As for build­ing a set to look like your home, Noel Ed­monds beat you to it 20 years ago.

Other than all of that, Matt, this ran­cid turd of a show was ab­so­lutely bril­liant – and your mum, who you ran­domly in­cor­po­rate into the show (just like Sarah Mil­li­can does with her dad on an­other slapdash BBC mess) seems lovely.

Although it is her fault you were born in the first place.

How’s that for you, moth­er­booker? AN­OTHER cheer­ful week on as Shirley planned best mate Heather’s fu­neral on the back of an en­ve­lope.

There was not much room to write be­cause it was the same one

bosses use to plan all their sto­ry­lines and new char­ac­ters.

She wanted a 1980sthemed fu­neral, with mourn­ers wear­ing mul­let wigs and Frankie Says t-shirts. The BBC, mean­while, just want 1980s-themed viewing fig­ures.

Choos­ing the fu­neral mu­sic was the eas­i­est part. It had to be Ge­orge Michael, ob­vi­ously, be­cause Heather was a mas­sive fan – and the last thing she heard was a “Wham!”

Con­sid­er­ing she was blud­geoned to death with a photo frame, they could have gone for a Boy­zone clas­sic. Al­to­gether now: “Cos I’ve got a picture of you in my mind....”

Or, as Amy might have put it:

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