Porn past panic

Midweek Sport - - AGONY SPECIAL -

Dear Vikki, I’M a 27-year-old guy with my whole life ahead of me and I think I might have messed it up from the get go.

You see I have turned my life around in the last few years and have landed the job of my dreams as a maths teacher in a sec­ondary school – but some­times I have this huge sink­ing feel­ing that it’s all go­ing to come crash­ing down on me be­cause of my past.

Dur­ing my late teens I got into drugs and started work­ing as a male es­cort for women and men; the money was good but the main mar­ket for male es­corts is with male clients and I’m not gay so when I met an­other guy on the job who worked in porn movies I got the con­nec­tions I needed to es­cape and to move on to that.

Stun­ning

I was still wast­ing all my money on par­ty­ing when I started in the porn in­dus­try; life was one big party. The first day I turned up to the shoot a stun­ning tall blonde an­swered the door in white knick­ers and a stretched tiny white T-shirt that spread over her mas­sive round breasts.

As I watched her walk on in front of me; my man­hood grew; it was a strug­gle not to spray my load there and then.

I knew I was do­ing the right thing there and then when I saw that peachy bum through those lit­tle knick­ers so why has it turned out to be so wrong now?

When she stripped her clothes off in front of the whole crew, drop­ping to her knees be­fore look­ing up at me with those sul­try ice blue eyes be­fore suck­ing me off I thought I must have sold my sold my soul to the devil as noth­ing on earth had ever felt that good – how right I was.

Af­ter turn­ing things around and say­ing good­bye to my party lov­ing as­so­ciates; I went back to col­lege and got the qual­i­fi­ca­tions I needed to make a ca­reer; I needed that in my life. Now I work in a great job and earn enough money.

Two nights ago I set­tled down in front of the box and I turned on the TV and saw that same lass in one of these re­al­ity shows – I’m not go­ing to say the name be­cause I will draw at­ten­tion to it even more, but the fact that she is a porn star is out there as I’ve in­ves­ti­gated and I’m wor­ried that this is go­ing to go vi­ral to the point where I get seen by some of the pupils or other staff.

I’ve no­ticed I’m feel­ing para­noid; even when some­one snig­gers or looks at their friend in a funny way an un­com­fort­able thought runs through my mind as to whether they have seen me shag­ging on film. What do you think I should do?

Anon Dear Anon, I’M so sorry that you find your­self in a place where you are scared.

There are a few fac­tors that you have to prob­lema­tise be­fore pos­si­bly mag­ni­fy­ing the whole sit­u­a­tion out of pro­por­tion; How many films has she made?

If the only film she’s made is the one with you then the chances that some­one will see from school are greater. If she’s made lots then they are less.

Se­condly; is the re­al­ity show prime time? It could be a late night af­fair which puts you in bet­ter stead.

How many years have passed? Now this is im­por­tant as peo­ple can change to the point where they can be un­recog­nis­able to peo­ple who do not know them well.

Con­cep­tu­alise it and re­view your feel­ings by agree­ing with your­self to re­main as calm, cool and col­lec­tive as you can and think­ing that if the worst ever hap­pened that you as a hu­man be­ing COULD DEF­I­NITELY han­dle it and YOU would make the life changes ac­cord­ingly.

Now take a deep breath and carry on in­spir­ing.

Love Vikki x

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