Albert Square storm more of a stale fart
THE post-Olympics comedown was always going to be tough – but BBC1 went from the Greatest Show on Earth to the greatest sow on earth.
Yep, Miss Piggy is back on Eastenders. Well, whoop-dee-do.
I wouldn’t have minded if they hadn’t been so damned pleased with themselves about it, repeatedly hijacking their bumper London 2012 audiences to show that ludicrous trailer of Sharon as a hurricane.
In fact her arrival was more like a stale fart. Never mind pulling up trees, it would have struggled to knock off Dot’s fag ash.
For the record, she turned up out of the blue wearing a wedding dress. Just like Rachel did in Friends – only 20 years later and 20 pounds heavier.
She had done a runner from her wedding to that bloke off Eldorado but forgot to take her beloved son Denny (spawn of her murdered lover, and half-brother, Dennis Rickman).
After begging ex-love Phil Mitchell to help, they then drove back to the wedding for a top showdown with her jilted groom.
“Take a look at yourself, sweetheart!” he snarled. “You’re old, you’re faded and you’re on the shelf.”
That is a bit rich coming from the bloke who has gone from banging Emily Lloyd in Wish You Were Here to getting dumped by Sharon Watts.
Thankfully, after the world’s worst car chase (you never saw The Blues Brothers wait at temporary traffic lights), she got little Denny back.
A proper chip off the old block, he is, with his dad’s eyes, grandad’s chin and Roly the dog’s hair.
Phil then decked the groom but while he was busy playing the hero, his fiancee Shirley was playing Poirot and (nearly) solving the mystery of who murdered Hevver. She now thinks it was Phil but really it was Ben, although Phil and Jamie knew, and that’s what sent Ian potty, and....oh, do you know, I really don’t give a toss.
Never mind, eh? Only two years until the Commonwealth Games.
ITV2 is having its (lemon) cake and eating it with THE new BBC1 courtroom drama saw Sean Bean playing a transvestite. It was less