Al­bert Square storm more of a stale fart

Midweek Sport - - NEWS -

THE post-Olympics come­down was al­ways go­ing to be tough – but BBC1 went from the Great­est Show on Earth to the great­est sow on earth.

Yep, Miss Piggy is back on Easten­ders. Well, whoop-dee-do.

I wouldn’t have minded if they hadn’t been so damned pleased with them­selves about it, re­peat­edly hi­jack­ing their bumper Lon­don 2012 au­di­ences to show that lu­di­crous trailer of Sharon as a hur­ri­cane.

In fact her ar­rival was more like a stale fart. Never mind pulling up trees, it would have strug­gled to knock off Dot’s fag ash.

For the record, she turned up out of the blue wear­ing a wed­ding dress. Just like Rachel did in Friends – only 20 years later and 20 pounds heav­ier.

She had done a run­ner from her wed­ding to that bloke off El­do­rado but for­got to take her beloved son Denny (spawn of her mur­dered lover, and half-brother, Den­nis Rick­man).

Af­ter beg­ging ex-love Phil Mitchell to help, they then drove back to the wed­ding for a top show­down with her jilted groom.

“Take a look at your­self, sweet­heart!” he snarled. “You’re old, you’re faded and you’re on the shelf.”

That is a bit rich com­ing from the bloke who has gone from bang­ing Emily Lloyd in Wish You Were Here to get­ting dumped by Sharon Watts.

Thank­fully, af­ter the world’s worst car chase (you never saw The Blues Broth­ers wait at tem­po­rary traf­fic lights), she got lit­tle Denny back.

A proper chip off the old block, he is, with his dad’s eyes, grandad’s chin and Roly the dog’s hair.

Phil then decked the groom but while he was busy play­ing the hero, his fi­ancee Shirley was play­ing Poirot and (nearly) solv­ing the mys­tery of who mur­dered Hevver. She now thinks it was Phil but re­ally it was Ben, al­though Phil and Jamie knew, and that’s what sent Ian potty, and....oh, do you know, I re­ally don’t give a toss.

Never mind, eh? Only two years un­til the Com­mon­wealth Games.

ITV2 is hav­ing its (le­mon) cake and eat­ing it with THE new BBC1 court­room drama saw Sean Bean play­ing a transvestite. It was less

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