Stop horsing around with Games NOW!
LIKE everyone else, I thought the Olympic Games were amazing.
A gazillion medals, incredible opening and closing ceremonies and Victoria Pendleton’s bottom.
Never before has a nation suddenly and collectively marched to the shed to take to their rusty Grifters.
And never has a pervert been happier at the plethora of sweaty bicycle seats for which to now sniff hungrily at.
But unlike almost everyone else, I didn’t take to the equestrian events.
The sight of a posh tw*t straddling a horse while it trots back and forth on the spot is not, in my humble opinion, a sport.
Facing down a 20 stone Russian munter in the wrestling is a proper sport.
Running a zillion times around a track just a bit faster than everyone else is a sport.
Even badminton, which is essentially a shit version of tennis – tennis for pensioners, if you like – is a sport.
But sat on top of a horse without a cock while it prances around like it’s got mad cow disease is not, and never will be, a sport.
There is of course nothing wrong in the slightest with asking women to put tight jodhpurs on for our lazy viewing pleasure.
But let’s all stop pretending that this dressage lark is anything other than what it is.
And, essentially, that is trying to make a horse stand almost still. Rubbish. Now please move along.
Zara Phillips. F***ing c***!