Dragon’s itchy bits!

Midweek Sport - - FRONT PAGE -

PIERS Mor­gan kicked off a new se­ries of Life Sto­ries on ITV1 by in­ter­view­ing James Bond ac­tor Roger Moore.

“The name’s Mor­gan, Piers Mor­gan” he an­nounced at the start of the show, keen as ever to place him­self cen­tre stage.

Sorry, fatty, but you are more Dou­ble Dough than Dou­ble O. You’ve got a li­cence to swill and – clearly – you are not afraid to use it.

As al­ways, Piers promised much but de­liv­ered lit­tle, in­ter­ro­gat­ing Moore with such fear­less ques­tions as “Would you like to have won an Os­car?” (Yes, Piers, I think you’ll find most ac­tors would.)

Mor­gan fan­cies him­self as a tough hack but sim­pered around Moore like a starstruck Bond girl. Sug­gested name: Pasties Ga­lore.

which kicked off this week.

“Think of a num­ber!” was his catch­phrase – and I bet we can all guess which num­ber he is think­ing of when­ever he is pressed up against that gor­geous Ruskie. TWO pen­sion­ers stole the show on

– and I don’t mean judges Louis Walsh and ex-Spice Girl Mel B, “37”.

Nick Buss, 70, was a Buddy Holly im­per­son­ator who re­ally did sound like his idol. At least, that is how I imag­ine he sounded while the plane was crash­ing.

Nick also did that clas­sic old duf­fer’s trick of get­ting for­eign names wrong, call­ing Tulisa “Tulisia”.

Silly man. There is no ex­tra “i” in Tulisa – al­though there was an ex­tra Jap’s Eye in her on that home movie.

The other show-steal­ing cof­fin-dodger was May Cartwright, there to sup­port her grand­daugh­ter Tammy.

The “crazy” nan was a real char­ac­ter, even flick­ing a V-sign at Mel B. How rude. She should re­spect her elders. DRAGONS’ Den saw a pitch from a woman who man­u­fac­tured bras for the big­ger-boobed lady. So far she has made 30K. I don’t know if that is profit or the max­i­mum size she can sup­ply.

Mean­while, Hi­lary Devey ( right) is des­per­ately try­ing to de­velop her itchy-foot catch­phrase.

“It is not just my foot that is itch­ing now,” she told one hap­less chap.

Oh dear. Have you tried nat­u­ral yo­ghurt and switch­ing back to cot­ton pants?

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