Dragon’s itchy bits!
PIERS Morgan kicked off a new series of Life Stories on ITV1 by interviewing James Bond actor Roger Moore.
“The name’s Morgan, Piers Morgan” he announced at the start of the show, keen as ever to place himself centre stage.
Sorry, fatty, but you are more Double Dough than Double O. You’ve got a licence to swill and – clearly – you are not afraid to use it.
As always, Piers promised much but delivered little, interrogating Moore with such fearless questions as “Would you like to have won an Oscar?” (Yes, Piers, I think you’ll find most actors would.)
Morgan fancies himself as a tough hack but simpered around Moore like a starstruck Bond girl. Suggested name: Pasties Galore.
which kicked off this week.
“Think of a number!” was his catchphrase – and I bet we can all guess which number he is thinking of whenever he is pressed up against that gorgeous Ruskie. TWO pensioners stole the show on
– and I don’t mean judges Louis Walsh and ex-Spice Girl Mel B, “37”.
Nick Buss, 70, was a Buddy Holly impersonator who really did sound like his idol. At least, that is how I imagine he sounded while the plane was crashing.
Nick also did that classic old duffer’s trick of getting foreign names wrong, calling Tulisa “Tulisia”.
Silly man. There is no extra “i” in Tulisa – although there was an extra Jap’s Eye in her on that home movie.
The other show-stealing coffin-dodger was May Cartwright, there to support her granddaughter Tammy.
The “crazy” nan was a real character, even flicking a V-sign at Mel B. How rude. She should respect her elders. DRAGONS’ Den saw a pitch from a woman who manufactured bras for the bigger-boobed lady. So far she has made 30K. I don’t know if that is profit or the maximum size she can supply.
Meanwhile, Hilary Devey ( right) is desperately trying to develop her itchy-foot catchphrase.
“It is not just my foot that is itching now,” she told one hapless chap.
Oh dear. Have you tried natural yoghurt and switching back to cotton pants?