Has Ken been stoking the old boiler again?
caught up with a handful of Miss GBs and Miss UKs from the 1970s and 80s.
I’m not sure why they bothered changing the title to Miss UK. Sure, it opened the contest up to chicks from Northern Ireland but they were never going to win. You can only ever look so good in a balaclava.
One of the winners was Tracy Dodds (1982), who was stripped of the title after it emerged that she had done some topless modelling (right).
“After they were printed it all went splat,” she said. I expect it did many times, love. Mainly while their wives were out shopping.
Another was Carolyn Seaward (1979), who reckons beauty pageants were popular because pretty women look more fertile and “humans are programmed to want to breed”.
Hmmm. I’m not sure how population growth is aided by millions of men furiously knocking one out to the swimwear round, but there we go.
The former beauty queen who had aged the best was Carolyn Moore. She won Miss GB way back in 1971 and remains a total GILF at 60.
Seriously, she is one HOT pensioner. If the Tories do cut Winter Fuel Allowance, I am so volunteering to keep her warm this winter.
I can see it now: me blindfolded and tied to the fridge while she smears food over my body....just as soon as Meals on Wheels drop it off.
returned to ITV1 with 30 new “ladies” all waiting to meet Mr Right. “You are like sexy boomerangs!” boomed host Paddy McGuiness, “You keep coming back for more.”
Yep, and only a man who has spent his life in the desert would want to pick you up.
One of them is a primary school teacher – although probably not for long, if the board of governors were watching – who thinks of every man she meets as an animal.
She said that Paddy, for example, is a panda. Yeah, but surely every man she dates is like a panda – he eats, shoots and leaves.
Another is called Thiopia. I presume it was meant to be “Ethiopia” but her parents dropped the E. God knows, you’d need to drop plenty of Es to find her charming on a date. EXCELLENT student sitcom Fresh Meat returned to Channel 4 with posh twit JP (Jack Whitehall, above) discovering that the guy he wanked off at boarding school is now openly gay.
“I had gay sex with a gay guy!” he wailed, “Does that make ME gay?”
As well as swapping gay confessions, JP and his old mate dressed up in togas, spoke to each other in cod Latin and compared northerners to loyal Labradors.
It was, in other words, very much like a weekend at Chequers with David Cameron and Boris Johnson. Channel 4 comedy Friday Night Dinner is now served up on Sunday evenings. Perhaps that explains why it felt so cold and stale. KEN Barlow threw a paddy at his own birthday party this week, stomping out of the Rovers with a right titty lip.
He should have grown out of that by now. I’m not saying that guy is old but he has wallpapered his box room with telegrams from the Queen.
The Corrie stalwart was upset that his friends thought he’d been shagging behind Deirdre’s back.
Why on earth would they think that?
Apart from Martha Fraser, Sue Jeffers, Wendy Crozier, Sally Waterman, Rita Littlewood and Jackie Marsh, give me ONE good reason!
It is not like their suspicions were groundless. Wendy Crozier is back on the scene – she and Ken are both school governors – and he did sneak off to her house for a clandestine meeting.
They were supposed to be looking into a new boiler system for Bessie Street but there was a burning intensity to their meeting, with the unmistakeable spark of desire flickering in their eyes. Or it might have just been the pilot light.
Plus, Wendy had given Ken a secret birthday gift of snazzy cufflinks. He was well chuffed – although I am not sure you need them on a cardigan.
Their secret rendezvous was rumbled by Deirdre, who leapt into Rita’s car and begged her to tail Ken’s taxi. “Follow that cad!” she said. Or she would have done, if I wrote Corrie’s scripts.
“Eeeeeeee, this is like Cagney and Lacey,” said Rita, although at the speed she drove it was more like Noddy and Big Ears.
In the end, Deirdre issued Ken an ultimatum– choose between your job or me!
Neither option sounds too appealing. Bessie Street School governor or husband of Deirdre... either way your life will revolve around servicing a clappedout boiler. In other Corrie news, there was a wildcat strike at Underworld. I have never seen a picket line at a lingerie factory before – but presumably they stand around a brassiere, singing protest thongs. BRILLIANT US drama
– about a hero US Marine secretly turned by Al-Qaeda – returned for a second series with Sergeant Nicholas Brody (Damien Lewis) now in the running to be Vice-President of the USA.
Wow. A VP who shoots and maims innocent Americans – they have not had one of those since Dick “the duckhunter” Cheney.
Brody’s story is beginning to unravel, however, after his wife discovered he is a secret Muslim who secretly prays to Allah in his garage.
That’s not so unusual. I pray to Allah in my garage. And to Jesus, Shiva, Ganesh, Buddha ...anyone, frankly, who’ll get the car to start.
Ex-CIA agent Carrie Mathison (Claire Danes, above), meanwhile, was flown to Beirut to meet one of her old informants – a Jihadi terrorist’s wife who secretly loves the USA after watching Julia Roberts movies.
Presumably she never saw