Sydney James Telly comic re­veals his farm­yard night­mare

Midweek Sport - - NEWS - By JON LIVESEY

Age 22, 34D-24-34, from Slough

CAMP comedian Paul O’Grady has re­vealed he was once sex­u­ally mo­ a les­bian COW!

The comic, who of­ten per­forms as his cross­dress­ing, ra­zor-tongued al­ter-ego Lily Sav­age, has re­vealed the randy fe­male cow at­tempted to shag him from be­hind on his farm.

He said: “I had a Jersey cow called Dot but she went a bit feral.

“I was fill­ing her trough with wa­ter one morn­ing and she was low­er­ing her head and flut­ter­ing her eyes at me.

“All of a sud­den she mounted me! The weight of her! I crashed down on the ground and she was on top of me. When I stag­gered back into the house I looked like a war crime.

“I said to Sean, who works for me, ‘She’s just tried to have it off with me’.

“He said ‘Well Paul that shows you’ve still got it!’

“The next morn­ing I was in the loo hav­ing a read and I could hear the dogs go­ing mad. I went into the kitchen and found Dot with her head in the sink.

“She went feral and started chas­ing me round like a wild boar. Now a friend has her and she is giv­ing birth once a year to lovely calves. She had twins once and they were called the Krays.”

Speak­ing at the Chel­tenham Lit­er­a­ture Fes­ti­val, to pro­mote his au­to­bi­og­ra­phy, Paul, 57, also re­vealed that he’s trained his sheep and pigs to stand on their hind legs at his Kent farm. And the fun­ny­man, who presents his own TV and ra­dio shows, told an au­di­ence how ac­tress Bar­bara Wind­sor mis­took a sheep for a dog.

He added: “She came into the kitchen and said ‘Oh, you’ve got a new dog?’ Then she took a closer look and said ‘F*** me, it’s a sheep!’”

SAV­AGED: Paul got humped by one of his cows

Pull the ud­der


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