LILY SAVAGE GROPED BY A LESBIAN COW!
Sydney James Telly comic reveals his farmyard nightmare
Age 22, 34D-24-34, from Slough
CAMP comedian Paul O’Grady has revealed he was once sexually molested...by a lesbian COW!
The comic, who often performs as his crossdressing, razor-tongued alter-ego Lily Savage, has revealed the randy female cow attempted to shag him from behind on his farm.
He said: “I had a Jersey cow called Dot but she went a bit feral.
“I was filling her trough with water one morning and she was lowering her head and fluttering her eyes at me.
“All of a sudden she mounted me! The weight of her! I crashed down on the ground and she was on top of me. When I staggered back into the house I looked like a war crime.
“I said to Sean, who works for me, ‘She’s just tried to have it off with me’.
“He said ‘Well Paul that shows you’ve still got it!’
“The next morning I was in the loo having a read and I could hear the dogs going mad. I went into the kitchen and found Dot with her head in the sink.
“She went feral and started chasing me round like a wild boar. Now a friend has her and she is giving birth once a year to lovely calves. She had twins once and they were called the Krays.”
Speaking at the Cheltenham Literature Festival, to promote his autobiography, Paul, 57, also revealed that he’s trained his sheep and pigs to stand on their hind legs at his Kent farm. And the funnyman, who presents his own TV and radio shows, told an audience how actress Barbara Windsor mistook a sheep for a dog.
He added: “She came into the kitchen and said ‘Oh, you’ve got a new dog?’ Then she took a closer look and said ‘F*** me, it’s a sheep!’”
SAVAGED: Paul got humped by one of his cows
Pull the udder