So...who’s finger goes in who’s ring?
CHANNEL 4’s Plane Crash was awesome telly – providing you fast-forwarded past the boffins to the money shot of the Boeing 747 being deliberately crashed into a desert.
It also provided some interesting food for thought, particularly the fact that first-class passengers are more likely to die than us plebs in steerage.
Given the choice, I’d still rather fly first class.
So what if you have more chance of dying? You also have more chance of a random blowie from the hot, tipsy stranger sitting next to you while a Swedish hostess pours you another glass of free bubbly.
So at least you’ll go with a smile on your face. EASTENDERS had a gay wedding this week.
Not gay as in “happy”, obviously. Since when did anyone on ’Enders have a happy wedding?
No, I mean a homosexual “civil partnership” – although, to be fair, you do not see much civility around Albert Square either.
It was Christian and Syed who wanted to slip their fingers into each others’ rings. But, being traditional types, they decided to get married first.
Inevitably, things did not go as smoothly as they had hoped.
Firstly, the two separate stag parties ended up in the same place – the Queen Vic.
Well, that was always going to happen. It is not like they live in the most densely populated corner of the world’s greatest metropolis – you can hardly expect a little place like London to have more than one boozer.
Christian’s stag party had a cowboy theme, which made sense in a Brokeback Mountain way.
I did not really get why Syed’s mob were dressed as pirates, though – unless it was because he likes it up the arrrrrrse.
Syed ended up kissing then decking an old flame, some flash City boy who wanted to play FTSE under the table.
Weirdly, when Christian saw Syed’s bruised fist, he SMELT it. I would not like to say where he thought it had been but I guess you can’t blame him for checking.
That hand was due to feed him wedding cake the next day.
After a lot of willthey-won’t-they bobbins, the two lovers eventually walked down the aisle.
To be fair, that was back in August. By now, presumably, he has lowered it to well below half-mast, and stuck an Everton standard up high.
Amusingly, they used subtitles when a Scouser was talking but not when keeper Pepe Reina ( is speaking in heavily accented English.
It is almost as if they do not believe any actual Liverpudlians would want to watch this embarrassing guff!
Well, I say aisle. The service took place in Syed’s restaurant, which seemed fitting.
Gay marriage, back street curry houses – both are great examples of the tolerant, multicultural Britain in which I’m proud to live.
Plus, both can ruin your a*sehole.
Sadly, there was more drama to come. Just as the speeches began, a bunch of bailiffs turned up to repossess the joint. That is an impressive heckle! At first Christian did not look too bothered. He probably saw all those burly men in uniform and assumed it was the Village People tribute act he’d booked for the reception.
Not for human consumption.