Fond fare-f***ing-well

Midweek Sport - - NEWS -

COR­RIE les­bian So­phie Web­ster ( above) is in a bad way af­ter be­ing knocked down by a car, with sur­geons im­plant­ing metal rods to save her spine.

The poor lass has never had a rod inside her be­fore. But she’d be happy for him and Freddy to watch while Jane had a go.

Mean­while, Ken Bar­low is fu­ri­ous that the ac­ci­dent was caused – sort of – by his way­ward daugh­ter Tracy.

“Tracy’s done some­thing stupid and Deirdre is de­fend­ing her again!” he fumed.

Ever get the feel­ing the scriptwrit­ers are try­ing to tell us some­thing? A VERY fond farewell to The Thick Of It, BBC2’s bit­ing po­lit­i­cal satire, which con­tained this lit­tle gem from dis­graced spin doc­tor Mal­colm Tucker ( right): “I don’t just take this job home with me. I take this job home, it ties me to the bed and then it f*cks me all the way from ar­se­hole to break­fast. Then it wakes me up with a cup full of piss slung in my face to make sure I’m awake enough be­fore it kicks me in the bol­locks. “This job has taken me in ev­ery hole in my f*ck­ing body.”

I had a pa­per round like that once. THERE were plenty of ghosts and ghoulies on

Hal­loween night – al­though, ac­cord­ing to judge Ni­cole Scherzinger ( there is al­ways plenty of “ghoulies” when Jahmene Dou­glas is around.

The con­tes­tants were spooky-ish, with boy­band Dis­trict 3 look­ing like the thugs from cult film Christo­pher Maloney’s face, as usual, just looked like an orange.

The most spinechilling mo­ment, how­ever, came when the bloated corpse of Rob­bie Wil­liams’ ca­reer emerged from its grave and stum­bled across the stage like a very well-fed zom­bie.

Oblig­a­tory “con­tro­versy” was pro­vided by Gary Bar­low, who ac­cused Tulisa of hav­ing “fag ash breath”.

Miaow. And to think we all thought “low blows” were Tulisa’s spe­cial­ity. Talk about a judge’s spat...

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