Splash the cash ...and get nasty
right) Marx. Sadly, Derek is more like Skid Marx.
By setting it in a closurethreatened care home, Gervais wants us to share his fury that we do not give enough money to look after our old folk. (I wonder if he gives the same sermon to his millionaire showbiz mates and their clever tax accountants.)
He may well have a point about care home funding. The trouble is that this one deserves to be shut down – not least because it allows a sexually aggressive tramp called Kev to knock around with the residents.
Well, would you want your nan living there?
But let’s not worry about such trifling details eh? In Gervais’ world anyone who wears a tabard is Good, and anyone who wears a suit or carries a clipboard is Bad. And if that is too complicated for you, don’t worry – the soppy piano score will tell you when to feel angry or sad.
Derek, a bittersweet comedy drama? Are you ‘avin a laugh! THERE was a rat in Maria’s underwear on By coincidence there is a rat in Samia Ghadie’s underwear in real life, too – and he’ll probably stay there until the next series of
Meanwhile, Tracy has got herself a job stuffing boxes (not her own, for a change) in the knicker factory.
Some of the staff are giving her a tough time but Tracy is no pushover.
“I’ve known some hard nuts in my time,” she said, “and I reckon I can hold my own.”
Hold your own nuts? The only woman in Weatherfield capable of doing that is Hayley Cropper. BEING Eileen is the new BBC1 sitcom set in Birkenhead, a deprived town where unemployment rates are double the national average.
So you’d think they might have found at least one local fella to work on it.
But, no. Instead they cast Dean Graham, whose brave attempt at a Birkenhead accent kept drifting back to his native Yorkshire.
In a single sentence, it crossed the Pennines more times than Saddleworth Mountain Rescue.
Even Scouse royalty Sue Johnston ( above) sounded a bit too posh for Birkenhead, and had an unlikely obsession with the Northern Lights.
As her other screen hubby Jim Royle might say – Aurora Bore-myarse-lis! The big winner of celebrity-diving show was a strange-looking cove who shot to fame during the Olympics.
No, not Eddie the Eagle Edwards, although he did get the most votes.
The real victor was St Clare of Balding – who ducked a deserved bullet for fronting that dreary guff on the other side.
Because while Splash! was busily giving us what we crave – fun, razzmatazz, skimpy cozzies, sparkly dressing gowns and the ritual humiliation of has-beens, half-ares and never-weres – Britain’s Brightest gave us people doing spelling tests and mental arithmetic.
And yet as a nation we chose to pour our scorn on ITV! Sometimes I think we do not deserve television.
Sure, Splash! did not get everything right. If they do brave another series, some wholesale changes are in order.
First: drop Jo Brand. Preferably from the 10-metre board, when the pool has been drained for maintenance.
Second: get better scriptwriters.
The links were so cringey, I had to watch them with every muscle in my body clenched.
MASOOD smashed Zainab’s water feature on