Tired has fallen so flat
CHARITY is all about giving a helping hand to the world’s most desperate people – the forgotten, the vulnerable, the cast aside.
So it was no surprise to see Dean Gaffney do a turn on BBC1’s Let’s Dance for
Well, you know what they say: give a washed-up EastEnders actor a fish and he’ll eat for a day, but give him an unpaid slot on BBC1 prime time and he might just pick up another Daz advert or a run at Celebrity Big Brother.
Failing that, at least he’ll get a hot meal from the BBC canteen. It might even be fish.
Hey, maybe they should go for Martine McCutcheon next. We need to get that yoghurt-guzzling bint working again so she can PAY US SOME F***ING TAX!
Sorry, where was I? Oh yes, Let’s Dance for Comic Relief – a fine idea when it began five series ago but now suffering badly from the law of diminishing returns.
The men in drag, the game-for-alaugh celebs , the zany judges, the tongue-in-cheek presentation, the state-enforced jollity – we’ve seen it all before. The whole thing is looking more tired than the poor Africans they show in the heart-tugging clips.
And while most of the celebs are probably doing it for the right reasons, I suspect a couple of them would raise cash for Al-Qaeda if it got them onto Saturday night telly.
Others seem to take the whole charity issue as an excuse to drop standards. Take Tameka Empson, for example.
The EastEnders actress (she plays Kim Fox) was supposed to be a judge but could barely string a sentence together. The best she could manage after each performance was “I’m speechless”, which is not ideal for someone in a role that involves... well, speaking.
She was like the inflatable guitar she wielded during Ricky Hatton’s number – a plastic gimmick, puffed up with hot air.
Hatton sang Robbie Williams’ classic Let Me Entertain You – an appropriate choice for a boxer because Williams has also been licked in the ring a few times (although he insists Jonathan Wilkes is just a good friend).
For the record, comedian Tim Vine deservedly won the heat while Dean Gaffney and his troupe of fellow “resting” soap stars were saved by the judge’s vote.
So that’s a double blessing for Gaffney – another warm meal and another chance to gawp at Claire Sweeney’s shimmying cleavage.
As if he has not seen enough air bags recently.