So prison life really IS brutal, fearful and hostile
MOST documentaries about British prisons are a bit of a letdown – all kindly screws and gentle, misunderstood lags.
But Her Majesty’s Prison Aylesbury, on ITV1, bucked that trend.
Within two minutes, we were watching some brutal fights. Within ten, a couple of headcases had taken another inmate hostage, stripping him naked and threatening to rape him.
Both northern lads, they were pissed off at being transferred to a prison down south and so deliberately making trouble in the hope of being moved back to the north-west.
Typical northerners, eh? They were probably concerned they would not be able to get a decent pint, with all the prison hooch watered down to shandy.
Weirdly, the screws were not shy about donning the riot gear and going in for a scrap – but they had to be polite about it. So while they were pinning one scrote down to the floor, they were also asking him: “Have you got any complaints about your treatment today?”
This decent documentary made it clear that prison is not a “holiday camp” but a place of fear, intimidation and the simmering threat of violence.
OK, so that is a bit like a holiday camp I went to in Rhyl once – but it was mainly Mancs and Scousers fighting each other. REASONS why than number 935: DIALOGUE. With Kylie paranoid that David will cheat on her while he’s away on a hairdressing course, she moans to Gail: “There’ll be more tarts on that course than in Gregg’s front window.”
“A straight man on a hairdressing course?” replied Gail.
“it’ll be like the end of Benny Hill.”
Brilliant. Two bigger laughs in one 30-second exchange than Albert Square has delivered in TEN YEARS.