Hugh must be jok­ing Lloyds!


HUGH Grant – or Huge C**t, as he’s known in our of­fice – has had a tremen­dous time of late giv­ing me and my news­pa­per col­leagues a good kick­ing.

A minis­cule amount of that has been de­served, ab­so­lutely – but most of it is mealy mouthed hot air from celebs who have clearly lost any grip on the re­al­ity of their be­ing.

Th­ese peo­ple get paid lots be­cause their ap­pear­ance in films, say, puts an enor­mous amount of bums on seats.

Those bums wouldn’t be on those seats if it wasn’t for us me­dia types en­cour­ag­ing peo­ple to place them there.

So you dance with the me­dia “devil”, Hugh, and oc­ca­sion­ally get pricked by its horns. That’s life, son – get over it, or be a milk­man in­stead. There are plenty who’d swap places.


I’m fas­ci­nated by the gen­uine pain th­ese multi-mil­lion­aires feel as they sit there in their huge man­sions wor­ry­ing if a hair is out of f***ing place on a photo in a news­pa­per that’s helped them get in­sanely rich.

I’d just like to see them ap­ply this same foren­sic ex­am­i­na­tion to some­thing ac­tu­ally IM­POR­TANT – like the na­tion’s banks tak­ing the ab­so­lute p*ss out of the Bri­tish pub­lic.

This week Lloyds TSB – owned by you and me, re­mem­ber – was fined £4.3 mil­lion for not paying out com­pen­sa­tion to peo­ple wrongly sold pay­ment pro­tec­tion “in­surance” quickly enough.

Get that? First it loses its shirt in the fi­nan­cial melt­down, comes to us cap in hand to sur­vive, then gets bol­locked for still be­ing crooked. And then gets fined for not paying up for be­ing bent!

And still not a sin­gle one of th­ese banker c**ts is be­hind bars, while re­porters up and down the coun­try are wo­ken up at 6am by armies of cop­pers while Huge C**t yodels along with glee.

Talk about fid­dling while Rome burns…

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