Take note, Ed, we don’t give a shit!

Midweek Sport - - NEWS -

TALK­ING of

you might not be aware it was that lot who un­cov­ered the scan­dalous phone hack­ing of thou­sands of peo­ple.

They were very up in arms about it and still shriek in­ces­santly to this day – a bit like girls, re­ally. Or the lads who never got picked for the football team at school.

Pri­vacy, we were so righ­teously and shrilly re­minded, was sacro­sanct.

So why they’re giv­ing the time of day to a spy who’s re­veal­ing all of Amer­ica’s se­crets – putting the lives of some of his coun­try­men in se­ri­ous, deadly jeop­ardy – is a mys­tery.

Ed­ward Snow­den is about as much of a hero as the other for­mer best mate, the rape charge-avoider Ju­lian As­sange. WHAT are you more arsed about? Pretty pic­tures on ban­knotes or the fact you haven’t got enough of them in the first place?

Last week, the bug-eyed moron who claims to lead the Labour party thun­dered to a new all-time high in En­tirely Miss­ing The Point.

As a Nato com­pound in Kabul was rock­eted by the Tal­iban, and hun­dreds of thou­sands wearily marched to food banks, “Dick” Ed Miliband jumped on a

band­wagon that no-one else was rid­ing.

His at­tempt at touch­ing nerves came on the back of the Bank of Eng­land an­nounc­ing that in 2015, the im­age of El­iz­a­beth Fry – nope, nor me – will be phased off the back of fivers.

In her place will be Win­ston Churchill – who you might re­call as some­thing of a his­toric Bri­tish fig­ure.

Dick Ed de­scribed this mild change to the way our wonga looks as a “cri­sis in rep­re­sen­ta­tion” for women.

Yep. Not a slight, un­in­tended snub. Nor wel­come recog­ni­tion for a man who led a na­tion to help beat the Nazis. But a “cri­sis”.

And in that nut­shell lies where the real “cri­sis” ex­ists – in the Houses of Par­lia­ment, where the gulf be­tween THEIR hot air and OUR real lives has never been wider.

Which part of Dick Ed’s brain hon­estly thought that was worth com­ment­ing on?

Which cock-headed ad­vi­sor sug­gested he grab this one by the coat-tails and run with it?

My mis­sus had watched me splut­ter with dis­be­lief as I read this non­sense and won­dered what had got my hack­les up.

When I ex­plained, she said what I imag­ine most oth­ers would say, too. That she couldn’t give a mon­key’s what the f***ing pa­per looks like, just as long as we’ve got enough of it to pay the sod­ding bills.

In a speech to Women in Ad­ver­tis­ing and Com­mu­ni­ca­tions Lon­don – nope, got me there again – Dick Ed said: “When Win­ston Churchill re­places El­iz­a­beth Fry on the £5 note, ev­ery­one who will ap­pear on notes is­sued by the Bank of Eng­land will be a man. What kind of sig­nal does that send?”

Al­low me to tell you pre­cisely the sig­nal that sends, you id­iot. It sends NO sig­nal at all. It’s not meant to. It’s just a f***ing fiver, for God’s sake.

And in case you haven’t no­ticed, Dick Ed, there is in fact a woman’s face on ev­ery sin­gle ban­knote in the en­tire coun­try. She’s called the Queen. DAVID Cameron says the idea of MPs get­ting a raise in their ba­sic salaries from an al­ready fancy £66,000 to a whop­ping £70,000 is “un­think­able”.

His deputy Nick Clegg gravely claimed he wouldn’t take the cash, while Dick Ed came out with his usual con­vo­luted tosh that didn’t ac­tu­ally say “no” to it.

I don’t buy it, ei­ther – and it’s safe to say that the pay rise is pre­cisely what will be hap­pen af­ter the gen­eral elec­tion.

Left, right, cen­trist – what­ever colour rosette they’re wear­ing, it’s the same sort of c*** un­derneath.

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