Stars? In their own eyes, maybe!

Midweek Sport - - BATCHELOR ON THE BOX -

YOU know tele­vi­sion is in trou­ble when you start think­ing was good.

The orig­i­nal sounda­like karaoke show (1990–2006) was cheap, cheesy and of­ten as dull as f***.

But at least it gave or­di­nary folk the chance to do their party trick, back in the days when get­ting your­self on Satur­day night telly for five min­utes was just a bit of fun – not your life­time goal or a weep­ing tes­ta­ment to your nearly-dead nan.

Plus, it had to sur­prise.

Just oc­ca­sion­ally some bald­ing milk­man from Ket­ter­ing would ac­tu­ally make good on his prom­ise to “be” Mick Jag­ger, caus­ing 10 mil­lion of us to put down the Mad Cow Burger (the 90s ver­sion of horse lasagne) and say: “Hey, that is pretty f***ing good.”

Well kiss good­bye to all that, grand­dad.

Be­cause now we get This Fae­ces Seems Fa­mil­iar – sorry, I

the

power mean Your Face Fa­mil­iar – on ITV1.

Nat­u­rally, the con­tes­tants on this show all al­ready fa­mous. Well, sort of.

But def­i­nitely no room here for am­a­teurs who have spent 20 years hon­ing their im­per­son­ation.

Who wants to watch a tal­ented no­body sing when you can watch a CELEBRITY do it af­ter 20 min­utes of vo­cal train­ing?!

Never mind that they did not get fa­mous by singing but, say, run­ning fast (Denise Lewis), or telling jokes in the 1980s (Bobby Davro), or damp­en­ing house­wives’ gus­sets as This Morn­ing boy candy (Matt John­son).

Ap­par­ently we will be too daz­zled by star­dust to care.

But there’s the prob­lem. If star­dust was dy­na­mite, this lot would not have enough to blow their Bo­tox off.

They are so Z-list, even they don’t know who each other are.

Sounds When award­ing each other points, Matt John­son ap­peared to for­get the name of Natalie An­der­son, so he just called her “er...Katy Perry here”, whom she had im­per­son­ated. (For ref­er­ence, she’s in Em­merdale. So it should have been Kat-ee­hbah-gum Perry.)

And, guess what: we get th­ese jok­ers ev­ery week!

I thought they might bring new meat in for each episode but no such luck.

At least Joe Pub­lic knew when his 15 min­utes were up.

Add to that a judg­ing panel who do not give a toss and the over-pro­moted Ale­sha Dixon as host (any chance you could do an im­per­son­ation of a TV pre­sen­ter next week, luv?) and this show is lin­ing up to be a grade-A stinker.

So, ask us on Satur­day if we’ll be watch­ing episode two and hear Bri­tain re­ply as one: Tonight, ITV1, I’m go­ing to the pub.

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