Stars? In their own eyes, maybe!
YOU know television is in trouble when you start thinking was good.
The original soundalike karaoke show (1990–2006) was cheap, cheesy and often as dull as f***.
But at least it gave ordinary folk the chance to do their party trick, back in the days when getting yourself on Saturday night telly for five minutes was just a bit of fun – not your lifetime goal or a weeping testament to your nearly-dead nan.
Plus, it had to surprise.
Just occasionally some balding milkman from Kettering would actually make good on his promise to “be” Mick Jagger, causing 10 million of us to put down the Mad Cow Burger (the 90s version of horse lasagne) and say: “Hey, that is pretty f***ing good.”
Well kiss goodbye to all that, granddad.
Because now we get This Faeces Seems Familiar – sorry, I
power mean Your Face Familiar – on ITV1.
Naturally, the contestants on this show all already famous. Well, sort of.
But definitely no room here for amateurs who have spent 20 years honing their impersonation.
Who wants to watch a talented nobody sing when you can watch a CELEBRITY do it after 20 minutes of vocal training?!
Never mind that they did not get famous by singing but, say, running fast (Denise Lewis), or telling jokes in the 1980s (Bobby Davro), or dampening housewives’ gussets as This Morning boy candy (Matt Johnson).
Apparently we will be too dazzled by stardust to care.
But there’s the problem. If stardust was dynamite, this lot would not have enough to blow their Botox off.
They are so Z-list, even they don’t know who each other are.
Sounds When awarding each other points, Matt Johnson appeared to forget the name of Natalie Anderson, so he just called her “er...Katy Perry here”, whom she had impersonated. (For reference, she’s in Emmerdale. So it should have been Kat-eehbah-gum Perry.)
And, guess what: we get these jokers every week!
I thought they might bring new meat in for each episode but no such luck.
At least Joe Public knew when his 15 minutes were up.
Add to that a judging panel who do not give a toss and the over-promoted Alesha Dixon as host (any chance you could do an impersonation of a TV presenter next week, luv?) and this show is lining up to be a grade-A stinker.
So, ask us on Saturday if we’ll be watching episode two and hear Britain reply as one: Tonight, ITV1, I’m going to the pub.