‘Go­ing for­ward’, MPs can toss off!

Midweek Sport - - SPORT - FOL­LOW ME ON TWIT­TER @justin­dunn

MUCH gnash­ing of teeth was tak­ing place when MPs pre­tended to be aghast at the idea of earn­ing £6,000 more a year for be­ing use­less tossers.

Their hol­low in­dig­na­tion at the idea of un­de­servedly re­ceiv­ing yet more of our wonga had all the in­tegrity of The Fast Show’s 13th Duke of Wym­bourne when found in a sixth-form girls’ dor­mi­tory at three in the morn­ing: “Me? Here? With my rep­u­ta­tion? What were they think­ing…”

The de­bate raged on for so long it nearly man­aged to do pre­cisely what MPs of all sides hoped it would – block out any­one notic­ing the loom­ing £30bil­lion fund­ing gap in the NHS.

Be­cause that might cen­tre minds on the fact that all three ma­jor par­ties can now lay claim to hav­ing bug­gered the coun­try’s most im­por­tant in­sti­tu­tion.

Not that ANY of them will take the blame. It’ll AL­WAYS be the fault of the last peo­ple in power.

There was a phone-in on Ra­dio Five Live about it, though, which in­cluded one man whose con­tri­bu­tion al­most saw me steer off the mo­tor­way.

Talk­ing about ways of bring­ing down the cost of treat­ing an ever-grow­ing and ever-age­ing pop­u­la­tion, the bloke said “ill­nesses” like obe­sity – or as I call it, “eat­ing too much” – should be tack­led by “preven­tion not cure”. Which pre­sum­ably means pre­cisely what I just said: Eat less, you won’t get fat, your heart won’t drown in choles­terol and your knees won’t snap. Sim­ple, re­ally.

Just as I was about to nod, he added: “We call this up­stream­ing.” Oh we DO, do we? FFS! Man­age­ment speak no longer re­mains in the board­room.

Ev­ery time Liver­pool FC gaffer Bren­dan Rodgers gives an in­ter­view, he’ll use that twat­tish phrase “go­ing for­ward”.

Ev­ery govern­ment f*** up will be fol­lowed by an in­quiry where the depart­ment in ques­tion will be found “not fit for pur­pose”.

They don’t have ratepay­ers now, ei­ther – we’re all “ser­vice users” and “stake­hold­ers” now.

Town clerks call them­selves “chief ex­ec­u­tives” and 12 no-mark parish coun­cil­lors say they’re a “Cabi­net”.

It was bad enough th­ese town hall twats were al­lowed to pro­lif­er­ate like a ram­pant virus, gob­bling up cash like a swarm of locusts. Even worse is that the pricks have now got their own lan­guage.

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