Girls at work give me the cream horn

WITH AGONY IS BROUGHT TO YOU IN AS­SO­CI­A­TION WITH I GOT A GREAT SEX WORK­OUT ON BIKE RIDE IN THE PARK!

Midweek Sport - - SPORT -

Dear Syren,

I WORK in a large bak­ery be­hind the scenes.

I’ve been there four years and I must have shagged about 20 of the girls that work be­hind the counter.

There’s a very high turnover of serv­ing staff and for that I’m ex­tremely thank­ful.

I have my own lit­tle shag­ging par­lour which is the broom cup­board by the oven.

You’d be amazed how many times I’ve stuck a cou­ple of lemon tarts on a bird’s tits and eaten them off!

That’s one of my spe­cial­i­ties. The other is eat­ing a jumbo-size sausage roll out of a bird’s pussy.

Acou­ple of weeks ago a new lass joined the bak­ery. She had a right dirty gob on her and in the first cou­ple of days I learned that she shaves her fanny and loves to give blowjobs.

As I was lock­ing up one night I pulled on my coat and found an en­ve­lope in the pocket.

In­side was a snap of the new girl TO­TALLY NAKED, with her shaved pussy on show.

The next day dur­ing her break I grabbed some pas­tries and took her to my lust nest.

She was soon out of her staff uni­form and stood in just her hat with her mas­sive tits jig­gling.

Be­fore I said any­thing she pulled my pants dow, un­leashed my one-eyed mon­ster and started to suck it.

Cream

Just as I was about to come, she grabbed a cream horn off the tray and stuck it over my end.

I shot my creamy man-stuff up in it and then she gave me a dirty smile and started to eat it.

She then squeezed a sausage roll up her pussy and told me to get chomp­ing and by the time I got my tongue on her clit I was stuffed.

Now she’s in­vited me round to her place for an all-night shag.

The trou­ble is I feel a bit lost with­out my props and don’t know if straight sex is go­ing to get me go­ing. What should I do?

TW, South-East

Syren says…

Syren says…

MY girl­friend is good enough to get up ev­ery morn­ing to make my packed lunch be­fore I go to work. Trou­ble is, she de­mands I give her a good see­ing-to for my cheese and pickle.

I don’t mind too much but some­times I’m a bit knackered and want an­other 20 min­utes’ kip be­fore I head off.

Other times I just want a quick shuf­fle in the bath­room with­out all the bol­locks of fore­play and all that.

Once I re­fused to shag her and she didn’t make my sarnies for a whole week – I was absolutely starv­ing as we work in an in­dus­trial es­tate, out in the mid­dle of nowhere, and there are no shops or pubs for miles.

I’ve tried to ex­plain but she re­fuses to change her ways – telling me she’s just very highly sexed and needs a shag at least once a day. I’m fright­ened that if I don’t sort her out, she’ll start see­ing other blokes be­hind my back. What can I do?

PR, South Wales A COU­PLE of months ago my boss paid me £500 for film­ing us hav­ing sex.

I needed the money be­cause I’m get­ting mar­ried soon and I’ve al­ways fan­cied him.

The prob­lem is that my boss’s house was bur­gled last week and he says the DVD was taken!

Now I’m ter­ri­fied some­one who knows me – or my boyfriend – will have seen it.

Please help.

NS, Manch­ester BUY a new bike. You got to have a hot, steamy­romp, didn’t you? Just buy an­other and get over it. Sheeeeesh…

FIND a new boozer. And

a new woman to bonk. AS long as you don’t put a bun in her oven, I think you’ll be all right. PRAY that your fella doesn’t see it or your wed­ding could be off!

Mo­ments later, fol­low­ing a brief, but de­tailed, ex­pla­na­tion…

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