Own a council clipboard? Then you sir are a total c***
HAVE you ever had the misfortune to use any of the zillion public services in this country?
I sincerely hope not for all your sakes. They’re staffed by cretins.
Wonky-eyed, badly-dressed morons who played Dungeons and Dragons as kids and got picked on by fat lads who themselves were picked on by fat girls who in turn would grow up to be slags.
Their fave toy was an abacus and if they had a pet it was probably something really shit, like a pair of stick insects called Sticky and Stickette.
They never snogged anyone at youth club, they never got invited to parties, they had crap trainers, were rubbish at sport, and today they’re most likely still forlorn users of Friends Reunited – even though they have few friends.
Shunned by society, cast aside by contemporaries, and facing a future bleaker even than Michael Barrymore’s, they do what people like that can ONLY do: They go to work for a council.
There they are handed their first ever badge and clipboard and immediately come in their pants, such is the frisson of joy experienced by the lowly when noticed for the first time in their lives. Then, as surely as night follows day, they seek revenge on the better looking, more successful and popular. They become a Clipboard C***. A perfect example of this took place in Romford, Essex, when dog-owner Tracey Hayes took her golden retriever and German shepherd to a park.
While she was outdoors and the weather was nice, she gave the dogs a good brush while waiting for her son to finish playing football.
And that’s when two Clipboard C***s pounced on her. One blocked her car door so she couldn’t open it while the other one took pictures of the dog hair lying on the grass.
They issued her with a £50 fine for “littering” and – although I can only speculate here – then went to play furious spurting tummy sticks together to celebrate their daring collar.
They presume that because some equally deluded idiot at the town hall gave them a badge it makes them important.
It doesn’t. You were born a c***, grew up like a c***, and now you’re employed as a c***.
Phew – I feel so much better.