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FIVE JOKES FOR SCOT­LAND FANS… A BOAST­FUL English­man said to a Scot: “Take away your friend­li­ness, your moun­tains, glens and lochs and what have you got?” “Eng­land,” replied the Scot. plane full of English peo­ple? A: When they turn off the engine you can still hear the whin­ing! Q: WHY ar en’t the Eng­land football team al­lowed to own a dog? A: Be­cause they can’t hold on to a lead. IN a state­ment from TV bosses, all fu­ture Eng­land games will now be shown on the gay porn chan­nel.

It is thought that 11 ar­se­holes be­ing reg­u­larly shafted is just too ex­plicit for reg­u­lar TV. FIVE JOKES FOR ENG­LAND FANS… Q: WHAT do you call a Scot in the World Cup? A: The ref­eree. Q: How do you tell what clan a Scots­man be­longs to? A: Grab un­der his kilt and if it’s a quar pounder, he’s a McDon­ald! GOR­DON Stra­chan no­ticed an old lady strug­gling with her shop­ping.

He asked her: “Can you man­age, dear?” A PREG­NANT Scot­tish girl phones her dad at midnight and asks: “Can you come and get me? I think ma wa­ter has bro­ken.” Her dad says: “Where are you ring­ing from?” She says: “From my knick­ers tae ma feet!” SHOP­KEEPER to a Scot­tish fan, buy­ing a pocket knife: “It has four blades and a corkscrew.”

The Scot asked: “Y ou haven’t one with four corkscrews and a blade, have you?”

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