The Professionally Outraged are welcome to knock on my door…
ON December 4, 1971 – the day before my first birthday, so just over 42 and a half years ago – Monty Python recorded ‘The Argument Sketch’.
It begins with Michael Palin entering a room where he finds John Cleese, and asks him: “Is this the right room for an argument?”
Cleese replies: “I’ve told you once…” and so the row begins.
Four decades on and a brilliant comic idea – that people will seek out an argument just for the hell of it – continues apace in real life on anti-social media.
Because you can’t say anything these days without being leapt on by The Professionally Outraged (TPO).
Rights campaigners – be it women’s rights, gay rights, Islamic rights, fat rights, thin rights, rude bastards’ rights. They’re out there, 24 hours a day, waiting to pounce.
They’re noisy little bastards, too. All sane and rational debate is becoming drowned out by the shrieking wails of “WHAT ABOUT ME?”
It’s a (sort of) scientific fact, too, that nearly 100 per cent of this tiny but very vocal minority spend most of their days skipping between Twitter and the online forums of Mumsnet and the Guardian.
They throw wild accusations about anyone who doesn’t agree with them on everything, marking down any dissenters as at best the spawn of The Devil himself.
To these people everything other than the Guardian is “the Murdoch press”.
While they all claim to love that snoozepaper, they also refuse to buy it – in their droves.
The dreary rag, which aims to become an international voice of the foaming mad liberal, is so massively under-supported by its readership it loses half a million quid EVERY SINGLE WEEK.
The internet has allowed these people to gather in a large virtual room to become the seething army we now recognise as TPO.
Bizarrely, these were the very people who once upon a time campaigned to stick up for the rights of the oppressed.
As long as it hurt no one, people should be allowed to do whatever they want in the comfort of their own homes, they argued.
But those hard-won freedoms only apply to those anointed by TPO. In their eyes everyone else should be BANNED.
Well I’m not putting up with that bollocks anymore. My Twitter handle is at the bottom of this column. That IS the right room for an argument.
Bring it on, you whining C**TS.