Den’s al­ready Drag-ing on!

Midweek Sport - - BATCHELOR ON THE BOX -

IT was all change on BBC2’s

as new­bies Kelly Hop­pen and Piers Lin­ney tried des­per­ately to make their mark.

And they did! Sadly, it turned out to be more skid than scorch.

On the very first pitch, in­te­rior de­signer Hop­pen was claim­ing that, “as a woman I have a gut feel­ing about what’s good”.

Two things, luv: Firstly, I’m not sure that a woman who dated Sol Camp­bell should be boast­ing about her nat­u­ral in­stincts.

Se­condly, you do not want to turn this thing into a gut con­test. Not when you are sat be­side Deb­o­rah Meaden.

I’ll give her this, though. She’s good a good nose for busi­ness. In the sense that you could stick a bill­board­sized ad­vert on it.

Com­puter whizz Lin­ney is a far more like­able char­ac­ter than Hop­pen but also des­per­ate to get no­ticed. His method is to spout sassy sound­bites, like: “When an ele­phant sits down, get out of the way”.

Which is, once again, not a great thing to say when you are sat be­side Deb­o­rah Meaden.

They both re­mind me of ner­vous sup­ply teach­ers be­fore an un­ruly class, with Hop­pen over-play­ing the ice queen act, Lin­ney try­ing to be ev­ery­body’s best mate and nei­ther of them fool­ing any­body.

With the dragons be­ing so needy and manic, the bud­ding en­trepreneurs were made to look pretty cool.

Well, all apart from a young chap called Ross who did the worst cook­ery demon­stra­tion ever – he was sweat­ing like Antony Wor­rall Thomp­son on CCTV – then broke down in tears when asked to talk about his wife. Hey, we’ve all been there, son.

Ross in­ven­tion had been in­spired by his ex­pe­ri­ences of be­ing bul­lied as a child, he claimed. I half ex­pected him to flour­ish a pair of anti-wedgie pants. In­stead it was just gluten-free noo­dles which, he sug­gested, don’t give you a mas­sive belly.

He’d branded them “Bare Naked Food” which the judges seemed to love. Per­son­ally, I think he missed a trick by fail­ing to call them No-Pot Noo­dles.

Over­all it was a rea­son­able start to the se­ries but, by open­ing with a pitch fea­tur­ing three hot girls danc­ing in tiny biki­nis, it may have peaked too soon.

I know I nearly did!

BBC3’s

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