Den’s already Drag-ing on!
IT was all change on BBC2’s
as newbies Kelly Hoppen and Piers Linney tried desperately to make their mark.
And they did! Sadly, it turned out to be more skid than scorch.
On the very first pitch, interior designer Hoppen was claiming that, “as a woman I have a gut feeling about what’s good”.
Two things, luv: Firstly, I’m not sure that a woman who dated Sol Campbell should be boasting about her natural instincts.
Secondly, you do not want to turn this thing into a gut contest. Not when you are sat beside Deborah Meaden.
I’ll give her this, though. She’s good a good nose for business. In the sense that you could stick a billboardsized advert on it.
Computer whizz Linney is a far more likeable character than Hoppen but also desperate to get noticed. His method is to spout sassy soundbites, like: “When an elephant sits down, get out of the way”.
Which is, once again, not a great thing to say when you are sat beside Deborah Meaden.
They both remind me of nervous supply teachers before an unruly class, with Hoppen over-playing the ice queen act, Linney trying to be everybody’s best mate and neither of them fooling anybody.
With the dragons being so needy and manic, the budding entrepreneurs were made to look pretty cool.
Well, all apart from a young chap called Ross who did the worst cookery demonstration ever – he was sweating like Antony Worrall Thompson on CCTV – then broke down in tears when asked to talk about his wife. Hey, we’ve all been there, son.
Ross invention had been inspired by his experiences of being bullied as a child, he claimed. I half expected him to flourish a pair of anti-wedgie pants. Instead it was just gluten-free noodles which, he suggested, don’t give you a massive belly.
He’d branded them “Bare Naked Food” which the judges seemed to love. Personally, I think he missed a trick by failing to call them No-Pot Noodles.
Overall it was a reasonable start to the series but, by opening with a pitch featuring three hot girls dancing in tiny bikinis, it may have peaked too soon.
I know I nearly did!