Oh Brother, it’s money for old grope!
Celebrity Big Brother has kicked off with more gates than a maximum security loony bin – which is precisely where at least a couple of this year’s intake belong.
It is classic car crash television. And the first major prang saw the model Chloe Goodman’s airbag deployed.
That was Boobgate. Chloe had gone to help tipsy Yank actor Jeremy Jackson as he puked in the toilet and – knowing how chicks dig the taste of vomit on a barely conscious man – he thought she might be on the pull.
So he opened her robe for a quick peek at the, ahem, “dairy room”.
At best he thought she’d respond in kind. At worst, she’d do nothing and at least he’d have some material for a quick Jackson FiveKnuckle Shuffle.
Sadly for Jezza, he’d not reckoned on the most likely result: Chloe storming straight out and blowing the whistle.
Oh yes, the whistle is definitely NOT what he thought she might blow. When confronted with evidence of a sexual assault, the production team took the only logical course of action: they used it for a massive publicity bonanza.
Once they had used him to drive up ratings, Channel 5 kicked Jackson off the show.
Normally that would put an end to the drama but luckily this year we still have Ken Morley,
Or, to put it another way, you buy one nutjob, you get one free. I SAY YOU BUY ONE NUTJOB, YOU GET ONE FREE!
The former Corrie star comes across as a racist, creepy, womanhating, short-tempered knobhead, and he only lasted a few days longer than Jezza before getting the chop this week.
Naturally, he insists that this is all an act, designed to speed his exit from the house. Perhaps there will be some people who believe he is that good an actor. But there will certainly be many others who remember him from Coronation Street.
Either way, I’m strapping in for a bumpy ride. This one is going to get rougher than Alicia Douvall without make-up. CBBOOB: Chloe is consoled, while Ken gets boot