Come on ITV, Get Your Act To­gether!

Midweek Sport - - NEWS -

RIGHT, that does it. Get me David Cameron, Sir Bob Geldof and the Pope on the phone.

Be­cause I’ve just watched new ITV show Get Your Act To­gether – and I’m declar­ing a na­tional MULHERNGENCY.

Catch­phrase, Big Star’s Lit­tle Star, Sun­day Side Up – how many more turds will the tal­ented and like­able host Stephen Mul­h­ern be forced to pol­ish be­fore we stand up and say ‘enough is enough’? TOUGH ACT: Stephen Mul­h­ern in­ter­est­ing enough to carry a whole se­ries.

In­stead they are swept off the meet­ing room floor and stuffed into one show under that catch-all term “va­ri­ety”.

What a treat for the view­ers, eh?

Roll up, folks, and watch a man who bills him­self as “one of the world’s top plate-spin­ners” – yeah, ’cos that’s a re­ally crowded field, mate – teach­ing his craft to the for­mer Cor­rie ac­tress Sher­rie Hew­son.

Mar­vel as the model Danielle Lloyd learns to bounce up and down in the com­pany of four men – not one of whom, to be fair, is a pro­fes­sional foot­baller.

Gasp as ex-Westlife crooner Bryan McFad­den strug­gles to wrig­gle out of a tight-fit­ting gar­ment (no, not a medi­um­sized T-shirt but a straight­jacket.)

And thrill as the Scouse entertainer Ray Quinn wins the heat with an un­canny im­per­son­ation of the Scouse entertainer John Bishop. What a stretch!

Get Your Act To­gether should be an ab­so­lute stinker of a show but Mul­h­ern’s charm and wit el­e­vate it to mere pong.

How he gets this crap while bor­ing bean­pole Ver­non Kay gets Splash! is a mys­tery.

We need to get him air­lifted to a safe place – some­thing funny on BBC1, ideally – asap. So come on Mr Cameron. Dot dot dot. Dash dash dash. Dot dot dot.

It is time Stephen! to Save Our

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