Loss carved on his Ed stone
PSSST… Over here… Got a bit of gossip for you.
Now, you didn’t hear this from me, right?
Because I don’t want to get flamed to death on that there internet thing where everyone is being incredibly tetchy.
But here’s a tasty titbit for you in any case, which no-one seems to want to admit.
The Tories did NOT win the election last week.
What really happened is that Labour lost it – although you’ll struggle to read anything about it on your social media networks.
Amid the rightful howls of anguish and gnashing of teeth, there seems to be no space to point out that the Labour vote suffered a virtual collapse.
They did gain a few hundred thousand extra voters – but against such a catastrophically unpopular government, it should and could have done miles better. So where did it all go wrong? Precisely where many of us have been saying for years – Ed Miliband.
This has nothing to do with funny but irrelevant bollocks about whether or not he can eat a bacon sandwich without looking like he’s taking a dump at the same time.
This is about whether an undoubtedly bright but exquisitely disconnected posh boy can persuade what we used to call the working class to put a tick next to a Labour representative’s name. Crucially, he could not. Miliband spent the entire election and a large part of his leadership trashing or ignoring the 13 years when Labour actually held power after winning three elections on the trot.
He let Harriet Bloody Harman roam around in her pink battle bus, almost comically patronising the very female voters it was designed to attract.
His last-gasp attempt to rally the core Labour supporter was a bizarre 8ft piece of limestone with its carved “pledges”.
And even then his campaign manager Lucy Powell took just hours to admit that the promises solemnly carved in stone were, er, not carved in stone after all. Awks.
The Ed-stone became a tombstone as would-be Labour voters stayed at home in their droves.
Miliband was an utterly predictable disaster – and an utter disaster for the party faithful forced to follow him.
The Lib Dems were crucified ANYONE heard much from the political zeitgeist prophets Russell Brand or Steve Coogan in the last few days?
No. Nor me. last week, but their largely left-leaning support didn’t see fit to transfer to Ed’s men and women.
Instead it either disappeared entirely or filtered out to the Greens or UKIP.
It’s all well and good to rage against Cameron remaining in No.10 and with a Tory majority for the first time since 1992.
But for his shiny ham-faced, thin-lipped, smug-bastard smiles, David Cameron did not win on Thursday evening.