Room 101

Ba­con sand­wich bad? That’s b-ut­ter bol­locks! THIS WEEK?

Midweek Sport - - NEWS -

EVERY­THING that makes us happy is bad for us. Sug­ary drinks? Kill you. Choco­late? Makes you fat. Booze? You’re an alky. Fags? You’re vir­tu­ally dead. Now hon­est-to-good­ness ba­con, sausages and ham are said to be more dan­ger­ous than just about any­thing else on earth.

The hum­ble banger, the much-loved break­fast rasher, and the sand­wich fill­ing of mil­lions ev­ery day, are now said to be a cause of can­cer.

Red meat has been placed up there on the dan­ger scales along­side ar­senic and as­bestos.

Which means the World Health Or­gan­i­sa­tion com­pares scoff­ing a ba­con butty in the morn­ing to chew­ing down on an old fac­tory roof.

Their of­fi­cials say con­sum­ing just 50g of pro­cessed meat a day – which is less than two ounces and just over one de­cent sausage – in­creases the risk of de­vel­op­ing bowel can­cer by al­most a fifth.

Yet the prob­lem with th­ese land­mark health rul­ings is they of­ten turn out to be com­plete and ut­ter hog­wash.

Red wine is a good ex­am­ple – one month it’s deadly, the next it’s ben­e­fi­cial. Al­though most peo­ple agree that like every­thing else, it’s prob­a­bly no bad thing in small doses.

Red wine with your break­fast roll, on the other hand, al­most cer­tainly is bad for you. Es­pe­cially if you’re about to set off to work as an air­plane cap­tain or crane op­er­a­tor.

But we all know this, don’t we?

The truth is that most peo­ple aren’t thick enough to be­lieve that liv­ing on a diet of dough­nuts, whisky and fags is good for them.

Like­wise, sit­ting be­neath a tree wait­ing for an ap­ple to fall into your hands isn’t the best di­etary ad­vice you could ever re­ceive, either.

There is no amaz­ing se­cret to healthy liv­ing out there wait­ing to be dis­cov­ered. No su­per diet that will save us from our­selves. Sim­ply, we are what we are.

Hu­mans guz­zle, swill, burp and evac­u­ate pretty much like we have done from the days we still lived in trees (apart from our Amer­i­can cousins, of course, who ap­pear to do a lot more of it).

So fire up the grill. Grab the grub from the fridge. La­dle the but­ter on the bread. Get a pint down your neck.

Be­cause the health freaks can­not, and will not, take our ba­con butties.

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