I de­serve a statue to hon­our my gi­ant cock

Midweek Sport - - CLASSIFIED -

I’VE got a gi­gan­tic pe­nis that has seen great ser­vice over the years in many bed­room bat­tles.

I be­lieve it should be hon­oured in newsprint and per­haps even a statue erected to it.

My 12-inch mis­sile of ec­stasy has the circumference of a large cu­cum­ber and will never fire un­til the woman has raised her white flag.

My bed is barely hold­ing to­gether for all the notches I’ve carved on it and I fear that it won’t sur­vive an­other pow­er­ful pump­ing.

But never mind, be­cause the lat­est taster on the horn of or­gasm was happy for me to take her to heaven on top of the wash­ing ma­chine. This lit­tle lady was so car­ried away by my power and largesse that she al­lowed me to add to my col­lec­tion of ama­teur porn vids.

I now have a col­lec­tion of over 400 dif­fer­ent women who have al­lowed me to film them be­ing rogered on my mo­bile.

I read some­where that the fella out of rock group Kiss was the world’s great­est shag­ger – with over 4,000 women.

But I, the great Sir Porkalot, am a lowly florist and I’ve ser­viced twice that num­ber. When will I be recog­nised?

GT, via email

Sam says…

TRY the Guin­ness Book of Records.

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