I deserve a statue to honour my giant cock
I’VE got a gigantic penis that has seen great service over the years in many bedroom battles.
I believe it should be honoured in newsprint and perhaps even a statue erected to it.
My 12-inch missile of ecstasy has the circumference of a large cucumber and will never fire until the woman has raised her white flag.
My bed is barely holding together for all the notches I’ve carved on it and I fear that it won’t survive another powerful pumping.
But never mind, because the latest taster on the horn of orgasm was happy for me to take her to heaven on top of the washing machine. This little lady was so carried away by my power and largesse that she allowed me to add to my collection of amateur porn vids.
I now have a collection of over 400 different women who have allowed me to film them being rogered on my mobile.
I read somewhere that the fella out of rock group Kiss was the world’s greatest shagger – with over 4,000 women.
But I, the great Sir Porkalot, am a lowly florist and I’ve serviced twice that number. When will I be recognised?
GT, via email
TRY the Guinness Book of Records.