Mother & Baby (UK) - - BUMP & BIRTH -

You open the cup­board to find your part­ner has fin­ished the pack of choco­late Hob­nobs you’d been plan­ning to de­vour tonight. Do you… Shrug your shoul­ders be­fore jump­ing in the car and head­ing to the shops to buy more. Grit your teeth and tell him it would be nice if next time he re­placed the pack. You are preg­nant af­ter all. Shout ‘Aagh­hhh!’ Loudly! But then for­give him when he rushes out in a blind panic to buy an­other pack. Lose it with him, while try­ing to ig­nore the lit­tle voice in your head that says you’re start­ing to sound a bit OTT.

Your pals have or­gan­ised a girls’ week­end away but it’s so close to your due date, you don’t think you can go. Do you… Tell them all to have a great time, and that you can’t wait to see their In­sta posts! Feel dis­ap­pointed, but make them prom­ise to or­gan­ise an­other girls’ trip that you can make, af­ter baby ar­rives. Send them an an­noyed What­sApp mes­sage about how thought­less they are – then fran­ti­cally delete it when you calm down. Refuse to talk to any of them for weeks on end – they’re so in­sen­si­tive.

You spot a guy with­out chil­dren park­ing in a fam­ily car-park­ing space at Tesco. Do you… Shrug your shoul­ders. Some peo­ple! Glare at the driver as you slowly drive past. Lower your win­dow, wait for him to open his car door and ask, ‘Ex­cuse me, do you ac­tu­ally have chil­dren?’ Stop the car and get out to rant about how in­con­sid­er­ate he is, cradling your bump for added em­pha­sis.

Your in-laws are al­ready of­fer­ing you par­ent­ing ad­vice for when baby ar­rives. Do you… Write it all down – the more par­ent­ing tips, the bet­ter! Take a deep breath and smile… but se­cretly worry if they are this vo­cal al­ready, what are they go­ing to be like when the baby comes? Gulp! Re­main tight-lipped, then vent to your part­ner as soon as they’ve gone. Gah, in-laws! Tell them that you’re just fine with­out all their ad­vice, thanks. Then have a huge row with your part­ner later, about how rude you were to them.

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