Oh, Honestly! A quirky fun story

Jo couldn’t resist the opportunity to test out Mike

She almost BELIEVED the earth was THROBBING beneath her feet

The notice said: This ancient site is maintained by volunteers. We ask visitors to leave a small donation towards general up keep of the grounds.

It was a computer-printed sheet, laminated against the weather and drawing-pinned to a wooden post. Below was a plastic box with a hinged lid, inside which were leaflets. Below that was a sturdy padlocked metal box with a slot. “You can get me one of those,” said Jo. Mike took a leaflet and handed it over. It was fairly basic, A4 folded into three, with a hand-drawn map on one side and background information on the other. Jo wanted one regardless of the quality. She liked collecting leaflets and souvenir guidebooks from places she visited.

“Don’t forget to put a donation in the honesty box,” she prompted.

Mike rummaged in his trouser pocket and examined the coins in his palm. “Oh.”

“What’s up?”

“I thought I had a two-pound coi– Oh, here it is!” He dropped the coin into the honesty box.

Jo and Mike were having a day off, touring in his car. They’d walked a forest trail, visited two ruined castles and a stately home, and now, late afternoon, they were at Milbury Cross Stone Circle.

Jo looked up from studying the leaflet to find Mike frowning. “You OK?”

“Don’t know.” Mike rolled his shoulders. “I feel a bit odd.”

“The leaflet says Milbury Cross is at the intersection of two ley-lines. You’re probably sensing the energy.” He laughed. “Rhubarb!” Mike didn’t believe in airy-fairy nonsense. He was a laboratory analyst and amateur astronomer, and refused to accept anything that couldn’t be scientifically proven. They’d been seeing each other for six months now – opposites attracting – but was he The One?

Jo tried to tune in to the atmosphere of the ancient site, laying her hands on the stones. It wasn’t a big place, like Stonehenge. Just 20-ish three-foot-high mossy, misshapen stones in a small clearing, forty yards from the lay-by.

Jo thought it was wonderful – and slightly creepy. If she let her imagination run free she could half-believe the earth was weirdly throbbing beneath her feet.

After fully exploring and snapping photos they started back, but when they reached the gate, crossing the threshold between primeval monument and lay-by, Mike shuddered. “Are you OK?” Jo asked. “Yes, fine.” Mike glanced back briefly. “Actually, I’ve never felt better.”

In the car Jo studied the road atlas to plot a meandering scenic route home.

“If we head back to the village we’ll pass that café again.”

“But it looked rubbish,” Mike said, pulling out. “I thought it looked nice. Countrified.” “More like a den of iniquity.” He pulled a face, and turned on the radio.

“Ooh, I like this one,” Jo said. It was Rimsky-Korsakov’s Scheherazade. Not according to Mike. “I wrote that.” “Eh?” “In fact, I invented classical music.” “What are you talking about?” Jo noticed he was sweating and his knuckles strained on the steering wheel. “Do you feel all right?”

“I’m fine.” However, his sideways glance said otherwise.

“What is it, Mike?”

“I don’t know! But I feel…” She could actually see his internal battle. “I feel… absolutely fabulous!”

“You’ve gone really pale.” They were already back at the village and the café was in sight. “There’s a parking space.”

Mike pulled in, yanking on the handbrake and sighing with relief.

“Maybe you’re dehydrated,” Jo said. “Or your sugar’s low.”

Clearly something was wrong. The café was definitely a good idea – emergency rations – and the young blonde waitress smiled as they entered. “Good afternoon. What can I get you?” “Two teas, please,” Jo said. “I’m actually allergic to tea,” Mike said. “In fact, I’m allergic to all liquids.”

Jo winced as she studied the cakes on display and tried to pretend her partner wasn’t burbling nonsense. “And two lemon sponges.”

The waitress smiled as if secretly amused. “You take a seat and I’ll bring them over.”

“Thanks.” Jo steered Mike to a corner table. He seemed completely dazed, like he’d been drugged. “Have you been bitten? Or scratched?” Some plants were toxic; he could be having a reaction.

“I got bitten by an elephant once. Backpacking through Belgium.” Mike closed his eyes. “Sorry…” He massaged his forehead. “I don’t feel at all strange.”

Which Jo took to mean he felt very strange indeed. She felt strange herself. “Mike, concentrate. What’s wrong?” The waitress arrived with their tray of tea and cake. “Just passing through, are you?” she asked. “We’re on a day out, visiting places.” “Nice. There’s a lot to see round here.” “There is. We’ve really enjoyed ourselves. Haven’t we, Mike?”

“Not in the slightest. It’s been a nightmare from start to finish.” Jo cringed. “He’s only joking.” “I’m actually a spy. She’s an exotic dancer. We’re fleeing from the Russians.” He gulped and sat back, closing his eyes.

“Sorry…” Jo grimaced. “He’s not normally like this. I think he might be ill.” Panic was bubbling up now. “Is there a doctor round here? Or a hospital?”

“Visited Milbury Cross, did you?” the waitress asked. “Pardon?” “The stone circle down the road?” “Well, yes, we did.” “I didn’t go,” Mike said. “I went to the moon instead.”

“It has some strange powers, that stone circle,” said the waitress. “Did you put anything in the honesty box?” “Mike put two pounds in.” “Did you?” the waitress asked him. “Of course I did. Actually, I was so impressed I put another ten pounds in as we were leaving. What I most definitely did not do was put a two-pence coin in.”

“Two pence?” Jo was horrified and he looked suitably ashamed. “Oh, Mike!”

“Had one of them politician blokes there once too,” said the waitress, “who claimed he’d paid when he hadn’t. The same thing happened to him – but he started telling the whole unvarnished truth. Made life very awkward, that did, for a politician.

“What your man here has done is lie to the honesty box, and this is his comeuppance. It has some strange powers, that stone circle,” she said again. “But what…” “He has to make it right,” she said. “Crikey,” Mike said. “I don’t think we should get back there sharpish. Certainly shouldn’t make amends.” Which, of course, as he was lying, meant they should get back there immediately.

“Tell you what,” said the waitress. “I’ll brew you a new pot when you get back.”

Jo drove, not trusting Mike to stay focused. She was so glad they’d stopped at that café. What if they’d just gone home? Would Mike have been like that forever? They hurried from the lay-by, back to Milbury Cross Stone Circle, and stood by the honesty box.

“I’m not really bothered.” Mike frantically rifled his pocket to produce a two-pound coin. “I’d be quite happy to stay like this.” He went to drop the coin in, but Jo grabbed his hand. “Wait!” “Wait? Why?” “There’s something I need to know. Are you still lying?”

“No. I haven’t lied all day.” He groaned in frustration. “I never lie.” He stamped his foot angrily.

Which meant, if she asked Doyou really love me? she was going to get an absolutely honest answer.

“Love you?” He laughed nervously. Almost fearfully. “You are, without doubt, the worst girlfriend I have ever had. From the first day I met you, I’ve thought you were hideous! And I doubt I will ever start loving you.” His words were clearly causing him pain. “In fact…”

Jo let his hand go and the coin dropped into the box with a tinkle.

“In fact…” He shuddered, like a cold wind had blown across his soul. “… in fact, I can’t imagine life without you.” He frowned. Then beamed. “Oh!”

Jo beamed back. “You oaf! Why on earth did you do that?”

“That was my only coin bigger than 20p,” he said. “I wanted to save it.” “Tightwad.” “No, I was going to buy a Lotto ticket with it.” He threw his arms around her. “Today made me realise how lucky I am.” Oh yes, he was The One all right. “Ready for that cuppa now?” Jo said. “Actually, I think I am.” The relief on his face was wonderful to behold as he added, “Honestly!”

“The unvarnished TRUTH made life VERY AWKWARD for a politician…”