Real life: Emma, I’m putting my­self first

Ge­or­gette Cul­ley is putting her­self first when it comes to sex

Now (UK) - - COME ON IN... -

‘Men are greedy in bed’

When Emma Watson told the world she sub­scribes to a web­site that teaches women how to have a bet­ter or­gasms, peo­ple sat up and took no­tice.

The OMGYES web­site fea­tures how-to videos and in­ter­views with real women who talk about their own sex­ual plea­sure – and how best to achieve it.

It’s a con­ver­sa­tion that the ac­tress, 28, be­lieves isn’t be­ing had of­ten enough. ‘It’s a pretty cool web­site, and I wish it had been around for longer,’ says Emma. ‘It’s ex­pen­sive… but worth it.’ Af­ter spend­ing years hav­ing bad sex, Ge­or­gette Cul­ley, 31, de­cided to take a leaf out of Emma’s book and put her­self first in the bed­room…

‘What’s the mat­ter, baby?’ asked my former lover. ‘I thought you liked that.’ ‘No,’ I replied, push­ing his sweaty body off me. ‘I don’t like your chubby dig­its paw­ing at me.’

Quite frankly, I’ve had more en­joy­able smear tests. But sadly this en­counter was not a one-off. For more than a decade I’ve had un­sat­is­fy­ing sex.

Why? Be­cause, like most younger women, I thought it was all about en­sur­ing the guy had a great time.

All the pres­sure of find­ing ‘The One’ meant I ig­nored my de­sires and fo­cused solely on his.

So it came as no sur­prise to me to read that four in 10 women are un­happy with their sex lives, and those aged 25 to 34 were the least sat­is­fied. But those in their mid-50s or near­ing re­tire­ment were the most con­tent, ac­cord­ing to the first sex sur­vey by Pub­lic Health Eng­land.

The truth is, younger men and women are very dif­fer­ent. Gen­er­ally, men are greedy in bed and women are too ea­ger to please.

But re­cently I’ve had an awak­en­ing. It’s time to take back con­trol and make my sex life great.

The only way I can do this is by be­ing as self­ish as men are in bed. It has to be about my en­joy­ment as much as his. And it doesn’t mat­ter who fin­ishes first — we both need to cross that line.

No easy ride

I have to ad­mit, though, this re­al­i­sa­tion has not been an easy ride. ‘Let’s go again,’ whis­pered one guy I was dat­ing, af­ter our sev­enth ses­sion in two hours. ‘I’m go­ing to make you scream even harder.’

He did. But they were ac­tu­ally cries of pain.

Thanks to on­line porn, men ex­pect women to be plucked like a Christ­mas turkey and ready for a good stuff­ing.

‘Don’t be frigid,’ an­other guy moaned when I turned down his re­quest to recre­ate an un­com­fort­able po­si­tion he’d clearly seen on a porn site. ‘My ex would,’ he added. Ter­ri­fied he would go off to

find a girl who would do it in the head­stand po­si­tion, I stupidly agreed. The next day I had whiplash and a mi­graine. Isn’t sex meant to be en­joy­able?

Firstly, don’t ex­pect any an­swers from the sis­ter­hood.

‘We had sex five times in one night,’ a friend told me ex­cit­edly over a cof­fee. ‘I had the best or­gasm ever.’

‘Me and Jase have the most in­cred­i­ble sex,’ chimed in an­other, ‘It’s just mind-blow­ing.’

In re­al­ity, we were all suf­fer­ing in si­lence – rid­dled with in­se­cu­ri­ties, body hang-ups and want­ing to fit in.

Are my boobs big enough? Am I pretty enough? Am I sexy? These are some of the fears that plagued me in my 20s.

Now, I look back and want to hug the girl who nod­ded like Churchill the dog ev­ery time a guy sug­gested a new sex po­si­tion.

Like most women as they get older, I got tired of hav­ing to pre­tend to be an ac­ro­bat in bed.

My Hol­ly­wood per­for­mances wilted into scenes that would barely make it into Hol­lyoaks.

The truth is, I was tired of be­ing there for some­one else’s plea­sure. But I had no idea what I wanted in the bed­room.

‘I’m not sure

I’ve ever had a real or­gasm,’ I con­fessed to my aunt, at 27, af­ter a few glasses of wine. ‘Is that nor­mal?’ She paused. ‘Sweet­heart, I was just the same at your age. I was so con­sumed by want­ing to please the guy that I didn’t even con­sider what I wanted.

‘It wasn’t un­til I reached my mid-30s that I truly un­der­stood what I needed. It’s an age thing.

‘First of all, you need to stop wait­ing for them to tell you what they want,’ she con­tin­ued.

‘Get in there first and be re­spon­si­ble for your hap­pi­ness.’

It may sound sim­ple enough, but putting it into prac­tice was an­other mat­ter.

Be­ing hon­est

Firstly, I had to take re­spon­si­bil­ity for my own ac­tions. How can a guy learn how to im­prove in bed if you’re fak­ing or­gasms?

Once I re­alised that, I made a vow to al­ways be true to my­self — and hon­est with my part­ner. Learn­ing to say no to things you don’t like and yes to things you do is so im­por­tant.

But in or­der to know what you want, you have to get to know your­self first. For me, that meant sneak­ing onto my boyfriend’s porn ac­count and see­ing what things turned me on rather than fol­low­ing his lead.

I also de­voured sex books and tried out things that ex­cited me.

Now I have sex on my terms and I don’t take it so se­ri­ously. I’ve learnt to re­lax and laugh if a new po­si­tion is a night­mare.

If I don’t like some­thing,

I am brave enough to say it isn’t work­ing for me with­out hurt­ing my part­ner’s feel­ings.

We all de­serve to get what we want, not just the guy.

You only find real joy when you learn the im­por­tance of your plea­sure. Af­ter all, it takes two to tango.

‘I had no idea what I wanted’

cap­tion style cap­tion in here cap­tion in here Emma Watson talks fem­i­nism with ac­tivist Glo­ria Steinem

Ge­or­gette has learnt to be true to her­self The OMGYES web­site is all about women’s plea­sure

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from UK

© PressReader. All rights reserved.