Real life: Emma, I’m putting myself first
Georgette Culley is putting herself first when it comes to sex
‘Men are greedy in bed’
When Emma Watson told the world she subscribes to a website that teaches women how to have a better orgasms, people sat up and took notice.
The OMGYES website features how-to videos and interviews with real women who talk about their own sexual pleasure – and how best to achieve it.
It’s a conversation that the actress, 28, believes isn’t being had often enough. ‘It’s a pretty cool website, and I wish it had been around for longer,’ says Emma. ‘It’s expensive… but worth it.’ After spending years having bad sex, Georgette Culley, 31, decided to take a leaf out of Emma’s book and put herself first in the bedroom…
‘What’s the matter, baby?’ asked my former lover. ‘I thought you liked that.’ ‘No,’ I replied, pushing his sweaty body off me. ‘I don’t like your chubby digits pawing at me.’
Quite frankly, I’ve had more enjoyable smear tests. But sadly this encounter was not a one-off. For more than a decade I’ve had unsatisfying sex.
Why? Because, like most younger women, I thought it was all about ensuring the guy had a great time.
All the pressure of finding ‘The One’ meant I ignored my desires and focused solely on his.
So it came as no surprise to me to read that four in 10 women are unhappy with their sex lives, and those aged 25 to 34 were the least satisfied. But those in their mid-50s or nearing retirement were the most content, according to the first sex survey by Public Health England.
The truth is, younger men and women are very different. Generally, men are greedy in bed and women are too eager to please.
But recently I’ve had an awakening. It’s time to take back control and make my sex life great.
The only way I can do this is by being as selfish as men are in bed. It has to be about my enjoyment as much as his. And it doesn’t matter who finishes first — we both need to cross that line.
No easy ride
I have to admit, though, this realisation has not been an easy ride. ‘Let’s go again,’ whispered one guy I was dating, after our seventh session in two hours. ‘I’m going to make you scream even harder.’
He did. But they were actually cries of pain.
Thanks to online porn, men expect women to be plucked like a Christmas turkey and ready for a good stuffing.
‘Don’t be frigid,’ another guy moaned when I turned down his request to recreate an uncomfortable position he’d clearly seen on a porn site. ‘My ex would,’ he added. Terrified he would go off to
find a girl who would do it in the headstand position, I stupidly agreed. The next day I had whiplash and a migraine. Isn’t sex meant to be enjoyable?
Firstly, don’t expect any answers from the sisterhood.
‘We had sex five times in one night,’ a friend told me excitedly over a coffee. ‘I had the best orgasm ever.’
‘Me and Jase have the most incredible sex,’ chimed in another, ‘It’s just mind-blowing.’
In reality, we were all suffering in silence – riddled with insecurities, body hang-ups and wanting to fit in.
Are my boobs big enough? Am I pretty enough? Am I sexy? These are some of the fears that plagued me in my 20s.
Now, I look back and want to hug the girl who nodded like Churchill the dog every time a guy suggested a new sex position.
Like most women as they get older, I got tired of having to pretend to be an acrobat in bed.
My Hollywood performances wilted into scenes that would barely make it into Hollyoaks.
The truth is, I was tired of being there for someone else’s pleasure. But I had no idea what I wanted in the bedroom.
‘I’m not sure
I’ve ever had a real orgasm,’ I confessed to my aunt, at 27, after a few glasses of wine. ‘Is that normal?’ She paused. ‘Sweetheart, I was just the same at your age. I was so consumed by wanting to please the guy that I didn’t even consider what I wanted.
‘It wasn’t until I reached my mid-30s that I truly understood what I needed. It’s an age thing.
‘First of all, you need to stop waiting for them to tell you what they want,’ she continued.
‘Get in there first and be responsible for your happiness.’
It may sound simple enough, but putting it into practice was another matter.
Firstly, I had to take responsibility for my own actions. How can a guy learn how to improve in bed if you’re faking orgasms?
Once I realised that, I made a vow to always be true to myself — and honest with my partner. Learning to say no to things you don’t like and yes to things you do is so important.
But in order to know what you want, you have to get to know yourself first. For me, that meant sneaking onto my boyfriend’s porn account and seeing what things turned me on rather than following his lead.
I also devoured sex books and tried out things that excited me.
Now I have sex on my terms and I don’t take it so seriously. I’ve learnt to relax and laugh if a new position is a nightmare.
If I don’t like something,
I am brave enough to say it isn’t working for me without hurting my partner’s feelings.
We all deserve to get what we want, not just the guy.
You only find real joy when you learn the importance of your pleasure. After all, it takes two to tango.
‘I had no idea what I wanted’
caption style caption in here caption in here Emma Watson talks feminism with activist Gloria Steinem
Georgette has learnt to be true to herself The OMGYES website is all about women’s pleasure