“I rally the party with a pep talk and some dance emotes”

Punch­ing a se­ries Eikon in Fi­nal Fan­tasy XIV

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It’s time to put Di­ab­los in his place and show him I’m the fi­nal boss in this sce­nario

On the rare oc­ca­sions I leave my ridicu­lous Paissa-shaped house I like to go all out. Frankly, do­ing fetch quests for Moogles or check­ing out yet an­other dun­geon isn’t worth step­ping out of the door for. Thank­fully, af­ter mak­ing friends with some sky pi­rates a few months back they’ve started invit­ing me to their raves... I mean raids.

Their lat­est venue is this an­cient city, Dun Scaith, which you can only reach by air­ship. Only the coolest ad­ven­tur­ers can join the party and rub shoul­ders with the likes of Mrs Boom­bas­tic (yes, re­ally). No mat­ter how tight the guest list, there are al­ways a few party crash­ers who just want to start trou­ble, but it’s not of­ten you find an old de­monic neme­sis and Fi­nal Fan­tasy se­ries celebrity as the in­sti­ga­tor of it all.

Di­ab­los’ clas­sic devil de­sign look is so iconic it’s barely changed since his first ap­pear­ance in FFVIII. He’s also a ma­jor char­ac­ter in FFXIV lore – sum­moned by one an­cient civil­i­sa­tion to de­stroy an­other and sealed away for thou­sands of years be­fore be­ing found again. Be­ing the King of void­sent de­mons he’s also got some se­ri­ous anger is­sues and would like noth­ing more than to ruin all of civil­i­sa­tion as we know it.

Af­ter beat­ing him up back in Am­da­por, then kick­ing him out of that raid in Void Ark, he’s not a very happy chappy. He’s also brought along his mates who are hopped up on void magic and spoil­ing for a fight. There’s the weird, big friend who wears a sheet and at­tacks your ship straight away, his best bud Fer­diad who reck­ons he’s a bit of a clown, his feisty girl­friend’s mate who wants to gouge your eyes out, and fi­nally, his mis­sus who is the tough­est of the lot and a bit of ex­hi­bi­tion­ist.

Af­ter tak­ing out all that trash and mak­ing a few mis­takes ev­ery­one is on a downer and peo­ple start squab­bling among them­selves. Nerves are frayed, frus­tra­tions bub­ble to the sur­face, and heal­ers are blamed – it’s not feel­ing like a very good party any more. Fi­nally that prick Di­ab­los re­veals him­self and starts gloat­ing about what a hard man he is, and af­ter tak­ing all those beat­ings to get this far he cer­tainly feels like one.

But some­thing snaps. It’s time to put Di­ab­los in his place and show him I’m the fi­nal boss in this sce­nario, not him. I rally the party with a pep talk and some dance emotes – it’s time for the fi­nal push. We’ve got this.

Di­abol locks

The fight is long and hard, and at one point there’s a bit of argy-bargy with his gi­ant balls (ahem). It takes a lot of ef­fort – des­per­ately try­ing to dodge me­te­ors fall­ing from the sky and gi­ant lasers while try­ing to land some punches. But some­thing about how dire the sit­u­a­tion is stirs up de­ter­mi­na­tion in ev­ery­one – we can do this. Some­how among all the chaos all 24 of us are work­ing to­gether as one. With one fi­nal hit he crum­bles.

I killed a god and it feels fan­tas­tic. Best. Raid. Ever. That sense of ac­com­plish­ment of so many peo­ple com­ing to­gether to take down a gi­ant of the Fi­nal Fan­tasy se­ries in such a hard-fought bat­tle is un­par­al­leled. It’s been the best night out in Eorzea an ad­ven­turer could have. Maybe I should get out of the house more of­ten.

So we meet again, Di­ab­los.

I got down on the dance floor a lit­tle too hard.

I’m never leav­ing my house again.

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