“I find a cul-de-sac and in­stall mul­ti­ple ceme­ter­ies”

Pip gives the city a name, as well as some peace and quiet

PC GAMER (UK) - - FEATURE -

Idon’t re­ally re­mem­ber how to play Cities:

Skylines, much less how to make a func­tional city with a vaguely healthy econ­omy. But I did just in­stall a whale from the Steam Work­shop so there will be at least one el­e­ment I un­der­stand. (I do not un­der­stand where the whale will live yet.)

Fig­ur­ing all of that out can wait though, be­cause Andy’s ver­sion of leav­ing the city in profit in­volves a $34,000 deficit. My ini­tial in­spec­tion of the city also re­veals that at least one build­ing is on fire and sev­eral build­ings ap­pear to be ac­cu­mu­lat­ing dead folk.

I plonk an emer­gency ceme­tery into the first chunk of avail­able space I see and throw down a few fire sta­tions to bring the fire haz­ard rat­ing for swathes of the city back into a safe range.

I find my­self doing sim­i­lar cri­sis-man­age­ment for all the city’s rat­ing sys­tems. It’s pretty straight­for­ward for the first few but noise pol­lu­tion seems to be a huge prob­lem. I blan­ket-up­grade ev­ery sin­gle road in the main town hub to ones lined with trees to dampen the noise of traf­fic. The im­pact is nowhere near what I’d hoped, though. I’ve also de­stroyed what­ever one-way sys­tems Andy and Phil might have set up.

Speak­ing of prob­lems in­her­ited from the last two gov­ern­ments, nei­ther of my pre­de­ces­sors seem to have got­ten round to nam­ing the city. I chris­ten the me­trop­o­lis ‘Pipville’. This also doesn’t solve the noise pol­lu­tion prob­lem, so I try cre­at­ing tun­nels for the most con­gested routes; un­der­ground no one can hear you beep. I end up with one tun­nel and one en­tirely miss­ing seg­ment of road which I ac­ci­den­tally up­graded into not ex­ist­ing.

It’s at this point I lose my tem­per. You know what’s noisy? Liv­ing peo­ple. You know what’s re­ally quiet? A necrop­o­lis.

I find a cul-de-sac and in­stall mul­ti­ple ceme­ter­ies. It is bliss­fully quiet. I can feel the stresses of the city ebbing away as I pick out new trees and bushes from the Steam Work­shop to dec­o­rate Pipville’s necrop­o­lis. Soon, lovely hi­bis­cus bushes and cherry blos­som trees are hug­ging the grave­yards.

Then I re­mem­ber the whale. I mod the game to al­low props and put a whale at the en­trance of the necrop­o­lis. While adding ad­di­tional whales (for com­pany, of course) I no­tice their bod­ies hug the ter­rain. That means when I place them on the lip of a nearby crater they bend around the slope and look like they’re crawl­ing out of the ground.

It’s a glo­ri­ous dio­rama – a mys­te­ri­ous necrop­o­lis next to an equally mys­te­ri­ous whale-spew­ing crater. In case the next player some­how misses ‘Ne­crop­owhale Zone’, I also leave a trail of whales go­ing from the crater to the edge of the city.

With my re­main­ing months in power I build a canal in an at­tempt to fill the bot­tom of the whale crater with water. Ig­nor­ing the mul­ti­ple in­stances of mas­sive flood­ing across the city, this is a re­sound­ing suc­cess. I end my rule in profit by mak­ing taxes 10% across the board and hit save. Good luck mak­ing sense of any of this, Sa­muel!

I blan­ke­tup­grade ev­ery sin­gle road in the main town

What? It’s just a nor­mal whale-in­fested necrop­o­lis.

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