“Now seven me­te­ors have hit the city, as well as two fires and a hur­ri­cane”

SA­MUEL’s gen­tri­fi­ca­tion plan takes the nat­u­ral out of dis­as­ter


Iwant to ex­tend the city in my time as mayor, and put my mark on this place. I’m go­ing to build a new district that has high-end shop­ping and nice houses. I lay down some road to a quiet area of the map and build a pen­tag­o­nal re­gion that links to the Just Dance 2018 district. The site of my new utopia for bas­tards.

How do you con­nect pipes again? I’ve for­got­ten. Ev­ery­one needs elec­tric­ity and water and I’m not ready! I should’ve put the util­i­ties down first. I’ve barely built my new area of the city and we’re over $30,000 in debt. I start to panic that my city is doomed to never break even, and I’ve only been mayor for two months.

I don’t know how you de­mol­ish build­ings in this game, but I bet doing that will bal­ance the books a bit. Hey, what about this nat­u­ral dis­as­ters panel? How about I just call in a me­teor and pre­tend this never hap­pened? I didn’t re­alise it takes a while to call in these events, so I might have clicked too many times. Now seven me­te­ors have hit the city, as well as two fires and a hur­ri­cane, en­tirely wip­ing out the district. It’s pretty grim, but on the bright side we’re soon back in profit!

The road is now cut off from the rest of the city. Ev­ery­one is dead. I name the district ‘Failed Ex­per­i­ment V1’ and pledge never to think about it again.

It’s time for a fresh start: Pipville has been through some dark times (of which I’ll take some re­spon­si­bil­ity), so I re­name it ‘Rob­tropo­lis’. I name the in­dus­trial district ‘Chem­i­cal Plant Zone’ and the pop­u­lated area ‘Bath­tub Ger­alt’. I build a space shut­tle, which is never ready in my two years as mayor and there­fore never takes off, mean­ing that I’ve failed my space man­i­festo. On the plus side, how­ever, I think some of the fun build­ings I pop around the city do some good for hap­pi­ness, which is gen­er­ally pos­i­tive dur­ing my time – stuff like botan­i­cal gar­dens, a sci-fi sky­scraper and a casino/ho­tel.

I try again with my gen­tri­fied area idea, buy­ing a new patch of land off to the south east and cre­at­ing an­other pen­tag­o­nal set of roads. What I call ‘New Haven’ goes loads bet­ter than Failed Ex­per­i­ment V1 – in­deed, it’s a thriv­ing district that just has a bit of noise pol­lu­tion. I give it an expo cen­tre (next to a cre­ma­to­rium – a bold choice by the mayor), a fes­ti­val venue and some other niceties. It’s a neat blend of dense com­mer­cial and res­i­den­tial liv­ing ar­eas. I bet it costs a honk­ing for­tune to live there. Just like ev­ery ma­jor city in the UK. Suc­cess!

Drop­ping the in­dus­trial tax to 1% seems to do some good for the money side of things – I thought this might bring the aban­doned in­dus­trial area back to life, but it doesn’t. That area is done for, and never re­cov­ers. While I tax ev­ery­one to hell in an ef­fort to make the city break a profit be­fore 1 May 2025, I end up $700 down on the day, thereby fail­ing the task that Phil set us. I got so close, though.

Show me an­other mayor who would mur­der loads of their own peo­ple with as­ter­oids just to bal­ance the bud­get.

Ev­ery­one is dead. I name the district ‘Failed Ex­per­i­mentV 1’

At least the sur­vivors all seem happy.

Time to es­cape to Sur­viv­ingMars.

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