Should I keep pushing?
Laura, 33, Perthshire
My sister is married to a man who doesn’t deserve her. He’s been unfaithful, wastes their money and sometimes disappears for days at a time. I know she lacks confidence and they have children together, but I would support her if she wanted to leave. Problem is, she says she loves him. Should I keep pushing until she sees sense? Relationships like this are a nightmare to watch and a nightmare to be in, BUT until the person is willing to wake from their sleep, there’s really nothing you can do to ‘make her see sense’. She will only leave if or when she is ready and the more you push the less likely she is to see the truth. So, your first step is acceptance. You must accept that this is her life path right now and one she will walk until she’s had enough (which may be never). It’s not your business to live her life for her! Secondly, however, you could (gently) tell her that you are concerned and if she ever did want to break away, you would support her. Leave it at that. Lastly, ask her what support she needs now. The closer you and her are, and the more accepted she feels by you, the more likely she will be able to confide in you if/when the time comes. She clearly loves him, so all you can do is love her.
YES Pick Me Up! reader Nicole from Suffolk says:
As a good sister, you need to help. Your sister seems to be blinded to this man’s appalling treatment of her, and she needs your help to see sense. Tell her how you feel about the situation, making sure she knows that you would stick by her if she chooses to leave him.
NO Pick Me Up! reader Rebecca from Tiverton says:
Your sister believes that she loves this man, despite everything he’s done to her. If you push her too hard to leave him, she will instinctively side with her husband and leave you as the bad person. I’d say stay out of it. If that marriage was not meant to last, she will soon find out in her own way.