Should I keep push­ing?

Laura, 33, Perthshire

Pick Me Up! Special - - Health & Happiness - Lead­ing UK Con­fi­dence Coach & Hu­man Be­hav­iour Ex­pert Jo Emerson ( says:

My sis­ter is mar­ried to a man who doesn’t de­serve her. He’s been un­faith­ful, wastes their money and some­times dis­ap­pears for days at a time. I know she lacks con­fi­dence and they have chil­dren to­gether, but I would sup­port her if she wanted to leave. Prob­lem is, she says she loves him. Should I keep push­ing un­til she sees sense? Re­la­tion­ships like this are a nightmare to watch and a nightmare to be in, BUT un­til the per­son is will­ing to wake from their sleep, there’s re­ally noth­ing you can do to ‘make her see sense’. She will only leave if or when she is ready and the more you push the less likely she is to see the truth. So, your first step is ac­cep­tance. You must ac­cept that this is her life path right now and one she will walk un­til she’s had enough (which may be never). It’s not your busi­ness to live her life for her! Se­condly, how­ever, you could (gen­tly) tell her that you are con­cerned and if she ever did want to break away, you would sup­port her. Leave it at that. Lastly, ask her what sup­port she needs now. The closer you and her are, and the more ac­cepted she feels by you, the more likely she will be able to con­fide in you if/when the time comes. She clearly loves him, so all you can do is love her.

YES Pick Me Up! reader Ni­cole from Suf­folk says:

As a good sis­ter, you need to help. Your sis­ter seems to be blinded to this man’s ap­palling treat­ment of her, and she needs your help to see sense. Tell her how you feel about the sit­u­a­tion, mak­ing sure she knows that you would stick by her if she chooses to leave him.

NO Pick Me Up! reader Re­becca from Tiver­ton says:

Your sis­ter be­lieves that she loves this man, de­spite ev­ery­thing he’s done to her. If you push her too hard to leave him, she will in­stinc­tively side with her hus­band and leave you as the bad per­son. I’d say stay out of it. If that mar­riage was not meant to last, she will soon find out in her own way.

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