Ill­ness leads to transplant ques­tions

Post Tribune (Sunday) - - Nation & World -

Dear Amy: My sis­ter is re­ceiv­ing treat­ment for a chronic ill­ness. Even­tu­ally her treat­ment will cease to be ef­fec­tive with­out a kid­ney transplant. When she was di­ag­nosed, five years ago (and from time to time since then), my fam­ily and I have ex­pressed our wishes to her to be tested to see if we were transplant matches.

She has never pro­vided us with transplant test­ing in­for­ma­tion, nor do we even know if she is pur­su­ing a transplant. She is a very pri­vate per­son, par­tic­u­larly about her health, and she re­sents ad­vice or in­quiries that she thinks are in­tru­sive. I ac­cept that she is an adult and can make her own choices re­gard­ing her health.

We lost our par­ents years ago to can­cer, and our fam­ily can be over­bear­ing and in­quis­i­tive. Many well-mean­ing rel­a­tives ask me about her lat­est news, and they seem to think I should be push­ing her more to pur­sue this transplant.

I would be dev­as­tated if this ill­ness claimed her life, and I have a young son who adores her and whom she adores, not to men­tion all the fam­ily and friends who care about her. Should I be do­ing more to ad­vo­cate for my sis­ter’s life?

— A Con­cerned Sis­ter

Dear Sis­ter: You can con­tact the Na­tional Kid­ney Foun­da­tion with ques­tions about kid­ney dis­ease, do­na­tion or transplant by call­ing its hot­line, 855-653-2273, or by email­ing nk­f­cares@kid­ney.org.

You can pur­sue ini­tial in­for­ma­tion re­gard­ing live or­gan do­na­tion with­out your sis­ter’s par­tic­i­pa­tion. Then, down the road, if she chooses to pur­sue a transplant, you will be pre­pared and in­formed.

You should not push your sis­ter, but you should be hon­est with her about your feel­ings: “I know you are pri­vate and our fam­ily can be over­whelm­ing, but I want you to know that your fa­vorite nephew and I care so much about you, and I’m wait­ing to help you in any way you might want or need, now or later.”

Dear Amy: My chi­ro­prac­tor of over a decade re­cently re­tired and I needed a new one. I found a chi­ro­prac­tor whose tech­niques I re­ally ap­pre­ci­ate, how­ever, he has an an­noy­ing habit of giv­ing ex­ten­sive ex­pla­na­tions. If I tell him about a new symp­tom I’m hav­ing, he will spend five to 10 min­utes pon­tif­i­cat­ing on ba­sic in­for­ma­tion. He al­ways in­cludes a dis- claimer that this new symp­tom is not his fault. As I have told him, I have been see­ing chi­ro­prac­tors for over 50 years and so it’s not as if any of this ba­sic in­for­ma­tion is new to me. I’m not blam­ing him for my new symp­toms; I just think he’d like to know what’s go­ing on with me.

How do I get him to quit talk­ing down to me and just do his job?

— Rolling My Eyes in Ore­gon

Dear Rolling My Eyes: One client’s “talk­ing down” or “pon­tif­i­ca­tion” is an­other’s “in­for­ma­tion ses­sion.”

Your new chi­ro­prac­tor is not a min­dreader. You should com­mu­ni­cate clearly with him: “I haven’t been your client for long, so I’m let­ting you know that I ap­pre­ci­ate your tech­niques but I’d rather you get right to my ad­just­ment, rather than ex­plain things. If I have ques­tions, I’ll ask. I want you to know that I trust you — I just want to max­i­mize our time.”

If he can’t — or doesn’t want to — ad­just to your style, then you should keep look­ing for a new prac­ti­tioner.

Dear Amy: Why the Catholic-bash­ing in your an­swer to “Ex­cluded”? The ques­tion was about a rabbi nephew who re­fused to at­tend the fam­ily’s mixed­faith wed­ding. You noted that in the Catholic Church, the list of ex­clu­sions to at­tend is “sev­eral items long.” You don’t know what you are talk­ing about, and I re­sent your big­otry.

— Up­set Catholic

Dear Up­set: I re­sponded re­gard­ing Catholi­cism be­cause that is the re­li­gion I prob­a­bly know best and to punc­tu­ate my greater point that many re­li­gions cre­ate ex­clu­sions for wit­ness­ing wed­dings.

Some Catholics de­cline to at­tend wed­dings con­sid­ered “in­valid” by the church — the most ob­vi­ous ex­am­ple be­ing a same-sex union. (The rabbi nephew in ques­tion was de­clin­ing to at­tend a wed­ding he ob­vi­ously con­sid­ered “in­valid.”)

Michelle Arnold, my fa­vorite colum­nist on Catholic.com, notes that “Can I at­tend this wed­ding?” is the ques­tion she re­ceives most fre­quently.

Copy­right 2018 by Amy Dick­in­son

Dis­trib­uted by Tri­bune Con­tent Agency

ARIES (March 21-April 19) — To­day is a 7 — House­hold is­sues re­quire at­ten­tion to­day and to­mor­row. A pos­i­tive sur­prise ap­pears at home. Cash in on some­thing you’ve kept in re­serve. Share the love.

TAU­RUS (April 20-May 20) — To­day is an 8 — Study and ex­plore a fas­ci­nat­ing sub­ject over the next few days. Take ad­van­tage of good news. Edit words and im­ages. Doc­u­ment your dis­cov­er­ies.

GEM­INI (May 21-June 20) — To­day is a 9 — Profit through a lucky plot twist. Take ad­van­tage of fa­vor­able con­di­tions. Post­pone other tasks to pri­or­i­tize a lu­cra­tive job. The out­come is bet­ter than ex­pected.

CAN­CER (June 21-July 22) — To­day is a 9 — You’ve got per­sonal power and con­fi­dence on your side. A pleas­ant sur­prise lifts your spir­its. Ac­cept a gen­er­ous of­fer. Ar­range con­nec­tions in ad­vance.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) — To­day is a 6 — Slow down to re­view re­cent changes. New op­por­tu­ni­ties hide in plain sight. Choose for eth­i­cal integrity. Dis­cover un­ex­pected ad­van­tages that could get lu­cra­tive.

VIRGO (Aug. 23Sept. 22) — To­day is an 8 — Friends are a big help. Share the load and the ben­e­fits of your labors. Cel­e­brate a pos­i­tive turn of events to­gether. Col­lab­o­rate for greater im­pact.

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