10 COMMANDMENTS: SLAVES

Em­brace the iron… The punk duo share their golden rules for liv­ing.

Q (UK) - - Contents -

Al­ways com­mit and em­brace the Y-front – the punk duo know whereof they speak.

1 EV­ERY­ONE DE­SERVES A THIRD CHANCE

Lau­rie Vin­cent: Any­one can have a bad day, so you should give ev­ery­one two chances. Isaac Hol­man: At least. It’s very easy to judge some­one on your first en­counter with them. I bet I’ve been a dick to peo­ple the first time I’ve met them if I was hav­ing a shit day. LV: The kind of in­dus­try we’re in, tempers and emo­tions run high so you should give peo­ple two chances and, if you can stretch to it, three. I’ve met some hor­ri­ble peo­ple on first en­counter that have ac­tu­ally just been hav­ing a bad time.

2 KNOW WHEN TO CALL IT A NIGHT

IH: Don’t go to the af­ter-party. You’ll em­bar­rass your­self and you’ll re­gret it in the morn­ing. I’m so guilty of chas­ing the night. When you no­tice it’s eight in the morn­ing and you’re round some­one’s house you don’t know, talk­ing shit about their child­hood and mak­ing plans to go to the Sci­ence Mu­seum. LV: I’ve heard you do that so many times. IH: I ac­tu­ally did try and go to the Sci­ence Mu­seum on a come­down once and it was not fun at all. It was hor­ri­ble. Don’t ever go to the Sci­ence Mu­seum on a come­down, that’s also a good rule.

3 KILL WITH KIND­NESS

LV: Be nice to ev­ery­one. You can re­ally con­vert some­one by not low­er­ing your­self to their grumpi­ness. IH: Al­ways be nice, you’ll feel a lot bet­ter for it. It’s not good for any­one if you just give it back.

4 DON’T FEAR THE Y-FRONT

LV: Try out Y-fronts. So many of you will re­alise that they’re much more com­fort­able than you think. I’m not say­ing that they’re for ev­ery­one, but just try them. It’s not a good look pick­ing your pants out of your arse in pub­lic and Y-fronts don’t give you a wedgy be­cause they go into the cracks so don’t ride up. I made the move a cou­ple of years ago. We started wearing the H&M David Beck­ham range. They’re not as at­trac­tive when you’re not wearing trousers, ad­mit­tedly.

5 SAT­ISFY YOUR CRAV­INGS

LV: When you’re or­der­ing in a restaurant you should go with your first in­stinct, then at least you’ve ex­plored that av­enue. You should al­ways sat­isfy the crav­ing be­cause you could walk out of that restaurant and get hit by a bus. IH: Sat­isfy your needs. And have pud­ding. There’s al­ways space for pud­ding. LV: Pud­ding makes life bet­ter. IH: I fuck­ing love pud­ding so much.

6 CREASED IS NOT THE WORD

IH: When you play a gig, al­ways, al­ways make sure the venue has an iron. I get re­ally funny about that. If they haven’t got one I’ll go and buy one. LV: Just don’t go out with creased trousers or a creased shirt on. No one is go­ing to re­spect you. IH: I love iron­ing. I get off­stage some­times and do some iron­ing, it calms me down. LV: You’ve got to have a high-qual­ity iron. You’re go­ing to buy it twice if you buy a shit one. It’s got to be a big name, like Braun.

7 AD­MIT WHEN YOU’RE WRONG

LV: So many ar­gu­ments stem from peo­ple who can’t say they’re wrong even if they know they are. We’re pro­grammed to be stub­born. All of your ar­gu­ments could evap­o­rate into thin air if you just said you were wrong and take it on the chin. IH: I don’t think we’ve ever had a flat-out row. Maybe one or two. LV: I stopped talk­ing to Isaac once. IH: It lasted for two days. We had a lit­tle bicker in ASDA and it got out of hand. LV: I didn’t like the way that Isaac talked to me and went, “That’s it! I’ve put up with a lot of shit over the years and now you’ve pushed me one step too far!” It can be quite cathar­tic.

8 OPEN ALL BOXES, EXHAUST ALL AV­ENUES

LV: It’s im­por­tant that you try lots of things out. For ex­am­ple, you could al­ways not re­lease a piece of mu­sic but you might as well write it first. It’s im­por­tant to be open-minded and try things out. IH: It ap­plies to any­thing: clothes, peo­ple… sauces.

9 DON’T COM­PARE YOUR­SELF TO OTH­ERS

LV: I spent too long look­ing at other peo­ple and want­ing to look like them. I spent my teens wearing skinny jeans which look great on tall, skinny peo­ple but I’ve got fuck­ing mon­ster legs. IH: We’re quite chunky so we need a wider trouser. Even slim is too tight. Levi’s 511, woah, I can’t even get them on. Peo­ple might see this rule and think we’re go­ing to be deep but we’re just talk­ing about trousers.

10 FULLY COM­MIT

LV: Peo­ple ask us if we have any ad­vice for young bands and I think that full com­mit­ment is the most im­por­tant thing ever. Don’t say, “We’re go­ing to start a band and we’re go­ing to try it but I can’t do Sun­day be­cause I’ve got my nan’s 80th.” If you want to be suc­cess­ful you’ve got to give up ev­ery­thing else. Ev­ery­thing else is less im­por­tant.

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